It was just one mistake
Shutterstock

It was just one mistake

Victor was just your average guy in your average relationship. Then he made one mistake that he could not fix. Now he’s stuck in hell for the rest of his life.

‘It makes me angry when I think of how I got in this situation. Very angry. I feel like I want to hit something, break something. Mostly I want to hurt myself, but I can’t even do that now. It’s laughable when everything in your life was going according to plan, then one stupid decision later it all goes to hell. Anyway, to the point.

‘Exclusive’ love

‘I had been dating my girlfriend for four years. Four very good years, when I think about it. We met in our senior year in university; we were doing the same major so we shared a lot of classes. I can’t really remember when we became friends. We started hanging out, then we realized that we both wanted the same things and liked the same things. Sometime after that, we decided to become exclusive.

‘I made a lot of mistakes when we were together. I slept around a bit, something that I’m not proud of now. The few times that I got caught, I managed to weasel out of it. I mean, the only proof was hearsay… It wasn’t that hard to think of a defence. But I was hurting a good woman, and I didn’t really care. So each new ‘escapade’ was riskier and riskier because I always thought I would never get caught.

Lost weekend

‘One weekend, my girlfriend wanted to go for her friend’s wedding. Naturally, she wanted me to tag along. The problem was the boys wanted to go watch rugby out of town as well on the same day. We had a really bad argument after that, and my girlfriend stormed off in a huff. Me being who I was then, I didn’t bother to say sorry or compromise for her. I left with my boys, seething as to how she could even think of dragging me to something as boring as a wedding.

‘The rugby was great, and I got really drunk. Then I ran into Wendy, a girl I used to fool around with from way back when. We got to talking, then drank some more. Turns out she was staying close by, so I invited myself to her place. In that drunken mess, we had sex. I woke up in the morning looking for the condom, but I didn’t find any. I couldn’t process at the time, so I just left.

Baby bump

‘Fast forward three months and I get a call from Wendy. I was at my girl’s place so I stepped out. She told me she was three months pregnant with my baby, and that her parents wanted to see me. I remember feeling faint, nauseous and angry at the same time. She had to be lying. I never went back into the house; I left straight for Wendy’s. When she opened her door sure enough there she was: baby bump and all.

I tried to talk her out of having the baby, but she wouldn’t hear of it. Then everything went to hell when I met her parents. They were angry, really angry.

‘They said I had devalued their child, now no one would be willing to marry her with her baby. They demanded I marry Wendy, and that I pay double the bride price. I sat through all of it mum, stunned by how everything was crumbling around me.

End of the road

‘My parents refused to bail me out of this one. When I told my girlfriend, she erupted. Then she threw everything within arm’s reach at me. Then she cried. I remember wanting to hold her, tell her I’m sorry, that it would all be alright. There was no weaselling out of this one though, and she finally left me. So Wendy and I got married after the baby was born and moved in together. I hate this house. I hate her and this baby.

But most of all, I hate myself. It was my mistake and now I’m paying dearly…’


Have you ever made a mistake that changed your life forever? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Love Matters Naija and Love Matters Kenya.

did you find this useful?

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (96)

  1. Don’t worry love doesn’tt
    Don’t worry love doesn’tt comes if she dictates you love is how you love her and the way you love her if some mistakes are in you those are in her too A couple must not try to find mistake find mistake in each other but what to do is try to get perfect and respect the relation

    1. Thank you, Faheem, for your
      Thank you, Faheem, for your comment and your advise.

    2. A mistake can be defined in…
      A mistake can be defined in so many ways;do u ever even realise that u could have been a mistake but the two took it in their stride. U hate the toilet do u fail to go there? Man up there is a child at stake. And by de way even when drunk to the zenith u still did most pole fail and blame alcohol there r feelings there

      1. We appreciate your…
        We appreciate your contribution Simon.

  2. Yes you made a mistake but
    Yes you made a mistake but you have to accept it so happened.This baby is innocent and so is the mother
    learn to love them and accept them and God will blesse u.Much better for the sake of this baby.love will grow gradually if only u accept the situation.Could be this wendy will make a good wife even more than ua former.you never know of God’s plan.

    1. Hi Lydiah,

      Hi Lydiah,
      thanks for your comment. And you are right, especially the baby is the innocent one in this relationship.

  3. Yes you made a mistake but
    Yes you made a mistake but you have to accept it so happened.This baby is innocent and so is the mother
    learn to love them and accept them and God will blesse u.Much better for the sake of this baby.love will grow gradually if only u accept the situation.Could be this wendy will make a good wife even more than ua former.you never know of God’s plan.

  4. So sad!!!I feel pitty for
    So sad!!!I feel pitty for wendy so much.Not as a woman but as mother now who has to raise her kid by herself spiritually and mentally..Coz prolly this guy wont help her in that matter..

    1. Hi Chinita,

      Hi Chinita,
      thank you for your comment. And how good of you to also think of Wendy’s situation!

  5. choices have consequencies,,i
    choices have consequencies,,i am only sympathetic to ur faithful fiance. for you face the reality

    1. Hi Janujaz,

      Hi Janujaz,
      thank you for your comment!

  6. for every action there is a
    for every action there is a consequence. i had a friend who got himself in the same situation but after some years he settled in. jus change your way of thinking and your situation wil be different.

    1. Hi Neema,

      Hi Neema,
      you point out an interesting aspect here- people can get used to situations. Even if he doesn’t love his family right now, he can learn to love them.

  7. you made a mistake,but
    you made a mistake,but regardless you have to accept because you cant change a thing, start by forgiving yourself,think of an innocent baby, it all the same never knew will be born in such a scenario…try to love your family its what will make you forget the mistake and experience gained

    1. Hi Sheila,

      Hi Sheila,
      thank you very much for your comment and insight.

  8. everything happens for a

    everything happens for a reason

  9. everything happens for a

    everything happens for a reason

    1. Hi Tomtom,

      Hi Tomtom,
      that’s true, but sometimes it takes a while to find out what the reason is!

  10. Well…thank God its not HIV.
    Well…thank God its not HIV.

  11. Is Wendy aware of his mans
    Is Wendy aware of his mans mind/stand in that marriage?

    1. Really good question, Lydia.
      Really good question, Lydia. It would be interested to ask him that?

  12. We all make mistakes but
    We all make mistakes but nobody hold agun in your head to marry Wendy.why be in a relationship because of the pregnancy?you are just ruining the life of the baby ,the mother and your life.learn to live by your standards ,society stereotype and cultural standards should not dictates your happiness .

    1. Hi Seth,

      Hi Seth,
      that’s a great point. What would you have done in his situation? And how would you have supported your baby?

  13. “We learn from our mistakes”;
    “We learn from our mistakes”; that was past forget all the bad things you did reflect only the good-ones’, the most important thing change ur “hate” atitude en forcus on your future.

  14. There is reason for
    There is reason for everything I believe, my dear, wendy could be ur destined wife, dont u know? Accept her nd d baby nd show them love.

    1. Hi Bissy,

      Hi Bissy,
      yep, that would be a very good approach.

  15. Why did he marry her? In the
    Why did he marry her? In the name of honour? But he is not an honourable man. I guess when you have family thats forces a man to marry you you can have any man you want.

    1. Hey there, it’s a bit sad,
      Hey there, it’s a bit sad, isn’t it?

  16. hymm,my dear first of all am
    hymm,my dear first of all am congratullating you for faceing up the challenge & taken up the responsibility.”The pages are dry,The pen had been raised what will hit you will not mise you, & what will mease you will not hit you “[Destiny ].Wendy is ordain to be the mother whil you be the father of that baby,stop casting blame on your self,keep up with ur family & develop love to Them.If trully u mary the lady of ur love without baby,what wld you ve don? blame ur self or God.

    1. Very good points, Shebby!
      Very good points, Shebby!

  17. drinks are made not be abused
    drinks are made not be abused but if you abuse it you feel the consequences… so reduce the rate or else u will fall again

    1. Hi Ali,

      Hi Ali,
      ah yes, laying off the booze could avoid more problems in the future.

  18. hey Big boy

    hey Big boy
    mistake done, the chance with your dreamgirl pass but life must go on with you*
    You are a father and husband*
    Don allow that mistake eat all your life.
    Enjoy the life and just forget that
    Take care of ya family

    1. Let’s hope he reads these
      Let’s hope he reads these comments…

  19. Just accept that it has all
    Just accept that it has all happened and you can’t change it man, just try to start thinking in a positive and you may realise that everything was just meant to be.

  20. U dd vry wel by marrying her,
    U dd vry wel by marrying her, u wud hv none peace in yo life let yo past mistakes nt haunt u…. fogt n move on n live hpply wit yo wyf n kid God wil bless u

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      well said, thanks for your comment!

  21. Don’t Worry,life Goes Like
    Don’t Worry,life Goes Like Dat Ad Always Rem Dat U Cnt Change Such A Thg Wen It Occurs.Take Heart Ad Lv Them As Usual Cz Dat Was God’s Plan Ad He Is Going To Giv U Ad Wendy + Da Bby A Bright Future.Mayb Ur Galfrd Could Nt Mek A Gd Wyf Like Wendy Does,open Ur Heart Ad 4get Abt Da Past.

    1. Hi Janet,

      Hi Janet,
      that’s true, thanks for your comment!

  22. as long as wendy loves you,
    as long as wendy loves you, juz learn to love them n u’l make a happy family. dont give yourself a reason to regret. it will only hurt

    1. Hi Lorna,

      Hi Lorna,
      that’s an interesting point- can we learn how to love?

  23. M now in t same problem
    M now in t same problem.nashindwa nifanyeje

    1. Hey there,

      Hey there,
      I suggest you read through all the comments- you can find some interesting advise there!

  24. past is gone..focus on
    past is gone..focus on present and build you future.
    that was the woman God wanted you to have.Treat her well..love her..n life will be smart

    1. Hi Zachary, thanks for your
      Hi Zachary, thanks for your comment!

  25. Birds of the sane feather
    Birds of the sane feather flock together wendy was ment for you…The innocent girl wil also b blessed in her own way.

    1. Hi Brenda,

      Hi Brenda,
      thanks for your comment.

  26. it all happens we just learn
    it all happens we just learn to live with the mistakes….

    1. Good point. We just need to
      Good point. We just need to learn how to cope!

  27. got some very rough hands n
    got some very rough hands n whenever i touch her she says i can do anything else bt not to use my hands. What can i do to improve my hands situation koz av tried using jelly n other lotions but cant help,

    1. Hey,

      Hey,
      a ladies genitals a often very sensitive to touch and it might not even be a problem of your hands being rough. It’s often difficult for a man to use the right amount of pressure- which is very little.
      Firstly, stay away from the lotions before touching the genitals! They can cause vaginal irritation and damage condoms, if you use them. For sex, buy some lubricant (they can be found at most supermarkets and chemists). Then, the touch itself. Try to imagine a sleeping baby, and you want to gently touch its eyelids. That’s the amount of pressure you want- barely touching!
      We hope this helps!

  28. True Love finds forgiveness
    True Love finds forgiveness

    1. Hi Auka,

      Hi Auka,
      but what if it’s not true love?

  29. I am in dbouts for finding
    I am in dbouts for finding myself soon in such a regret soon due to my actions a few past weeks and its really sucking take caution not to get in such a game its not fun at all

    1. And you can avoid all that
      And you can avoid all that just with using condoms.

    1. You have to be able to live
      You have to be able to live with the consequences of your actions, right?

  30. Rushing to decisions tht
    Rushing to decisions tht bring a shortcome to nusty answers in life is like taking poison knowinly to test reactions,you might never live to see the answers….

    1. Thanks for your comment.
      Thanks for your comment.

  31. Judging fm the header i
    Judging fm the header i thought u ve a cancer or a crazy tumor or AIDS. Here u ve a xwt woman who z ready to stand by you thru it all n of cos yo kid. What price-tag can u place on her royalty? Get yoself 2gether n move on knowin tat God has given u another chance at lyf 4a real reason cos there cd ve bn other horrible outcomes of that 1 9t stand. We can only live once, jus learn to luv her lyk she z d luv of yo lyf

    1. Hi Tony,

      Hi Tony,
      that’s a very good point. Thanks for your comment!

  32. i am in the very same boat
    i am in the very same boat the only thng different is tht i wasnt forced to marry the baby’s mom.I married my galfrnd n tht i cheated with my baby mama,we supportin the child me n my wife.

    1. I’m glad to hear you are
      I’m glad to hear you are supporting your child! How is baby mama feeling about this?

  33. I gues m in d same boat, i
    I gues m in d same boat, i met a lady 6 mnths ago, we hd sex d 2nd day, 2nd mnth, initialy sh wsnt crias abt hvin a crias rshp, nw wl b vistin my parent in 2 wks tme, then hers, lata marrige. Sh s gd tho we argue alot, abt 4 tyms a wk as we spend 9ts 2gtha. Am filing traped. I lve ha tho we got so many dfrences as sh s 26 n m 24.Shld i continue or shld i quit? Ua advce s hghly valued, thnx

    1. Hi David,

      Hi David,
      have you talked to her about this?
      Communication is one of the most important aspects of a relationships. Talking to your partner, that is! Discuss these issues with her. Find solutions together. It will make your relationship stronger

  34. For every choice you make
    For every choice you make there’s a consequence… The child is innocent I blame the man …he went after lust eventually most probably lost the best woman he’ll ever have…I wouldn’t say marriage was the best option because the foundation is not strong and even if he tries to love her he will still be thinking of his former girlfriend…. There’s nothing as painful as finding out that your man is still communicating and flirting behind your back trust me that’s hell on earth because a piece of you dies every single day been there done that…for the sake of peace of mind I’d advice the girl to think about herself and her child at the end of the day a child is a blessing

    1. Thanks for your comment, very
      Thanks for your comment, very good points!

  35. U cnt forgive me marry and
    U cnt forgive me marry and she dump me and gt married smbdy,i also mry after 2yrs we met she say not happy with it same to me,we sleep though we ar maried

  36. true u made a mistake but
    true u made a mistake but remember two wrongs won’t make even a single right.Change and accept your situation before you make a second mistake.

    1. Great point, thanks for your
      Great point, thanks for your input!

  37. You are lucky guy,I was
    You are lucky guy,I was reading this story thinlking u contracted Hiv.Rearrange ur life n love that woman. as well as the baby othetwise ur one nigjt stands wont be ending soon.

    1. Hi Shephs, it could always be
      Hi Shephs, it could always be worse, isn’t it?

  38. Ya,for he was greedy,he
    Ya,for he was greedy,he punished himself.why not wait for time..

    1. For every action there is a
      For every action there is a consequence, isn’t it?

  39. let the holy spirit lead you
    let the holy spirit lead you to a happy marriage. God bless u.

    1. Thanks for your comment!
      Thanks for your comment!

  40. you do not hve 2 relay on the
    you do not hve 2 relay on the past its high time u accepted you both did a mistake forgive uaself and move on for the sake of ua baby

    1. Thanks for your comment, Ann!
      Thanks for your comment, Ann!

  41. Acceptance goes a long way
    Acceptance goes a long way and a small mistake cn change ur whole life..bad situation cn be a blessing sometimes..live with it n love her as u used to before the child issue..

    1. Yeah, we should not forget
      Yeah, we should not forget the child, and its innocence.

  42. I feel so sorry for you
    I feel so sorry for you.everything happens for a reason dear brother.Jst learn to accept nd forgive urself.bt honestly, be careful next tym.

    1. Hopefully, there won’t be a
      Hopefully, there won’t be a next time…

  43. hey .1st all is to congrat u
    hey .1st all is to congrat u 4 ur story. 2nd feel lucky u hiv did accopany you on that fateful nyt. thank God n adapt ur new situation

    1. Hi Johnteh,

      Hi Johnteh,
      thank you, and thanks for your comment!

  44. It’s interesting how you
    It’s interesting how you appreciate your failures without accepting the consequences of the same! you only have one option and I mean only one! settle down and accept the fact that you are now a married man with a family. Your anger will only make the situation worse, stay away from your drinking buddies, it’s time to start having a new set of friends preferably married and older pals who may be more experience on things about marriage.

    1. Thanks for your comment!
      Thanks for your comment!

  45. U man ur a waste take…
    U man ur a waste take responsibility for ur actions and just play the big part n stop breaking everything….hizo visirani zako get help n settle

    1. We appreciate your…
      We appreciate your contribution Chris.

  46. That’s nt tru love u r…
    That’s nt tru love u r living in. It’s fooling n cheating ua hert. It will cost u dearly

    1. Thank you for your…
      Thank you for your contribution Nyukwe.

LoveMatters Africa

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships