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Keeping a relationship strong: do’s & don’ts

How do you keep the magic in your relationship alive? What are the secrets to maximising the happy times and surfing the rough patches? Read on to find out.

Why are relationships so hard? How do you keep them strong? Every little thing counts. Here’s how to stay close and connected to your partner after the excitement of a new relationship has reduced.​​​​​

  • …communicate with each other

    Talking and sharing with each other is key and the cornerstone to keeping your relationship strong and healthy.
    Unless you share what’s worrying you, it’s quite likely to eat away at you and the relationship. Whether it’s your studies, work, sex life, emotions, friends and family, or just something about your partner that annoys you, bring it out into the open and discuss it honestly and directly with each other.

    Similarly, don’t be defensive when your partner offers you some feedback. Listen to them with an open mind and look for the truth in what they’re saying. Figure out what applies and put yourself in their shoes and be compassionate in your response to them. It’s not just what you say, but how you say it, your tone, expressions, and your body language while you do so.

  • …laugh together

    When the atmosphere gets tense, find the right moment to crack a joke and laugh together.

    Nothing can cut through negativity quite like humour.

    Do your best to make your partner laugh because when you go through tough times, a good laugh can often help you find your way to the other side far easier. A positive attitude will help you over the rough patch.

  • …make technology work to your advantage

    When you’re running short of time, it’s hard to make time for regular conversation, but it’s easy enough to send a quick SMS just saying ‘I’m thinking of you’ or ‘I miss you‘.
     

  • …fall into a rut

    With the never-ending pressures of life, it’s often easy to fall into a routine and do the same thing day after day. But make a conscious effort to keep the spark going.

    Surprise each with unexpected love notes, calls. Return to a place you used to go to in the early days of your courtship or somewhere that has special memories for the both of you. Enjoy your time together.

  • …become physically distant

    It’s not enough to just say, ‘I love you’. Show that you do, hold hands, cuddle, and hug and kiss frequently. Give him a hug and a kiss before he leaves home, give her a foot massage after a long work day.

    Physical intimacy doesn’t just mean sex, a regular tender touch is also essential. Be sensitive to what your partner likes and you can keep the magic going.

  • …lose yourself

    In a relationship, couples often get wrapped up in each other and want to spend every possible moment together. But despite the appeal of your new love, you need to have interests outside of each other.

    The time you spend apart will give both of you your own space and allow you to hold on to your own individuality. Instead of merging together and becoming one person, complement and support your partner.

How do you keep your relationship fresh? Leave a comment below or join the conversation on Facebook: Love Matters Naija and Love Matters Kenya.

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Recent Comments (232)

  1. Respect and trust each other.
    Respect and trust each other.

    1. Hi Lebogang,

      Hi Lebogang,
      yes, that’s definitely important!

  2. make sure u r thea 4 her the
    make sure u r thea 4 her the right tym n avoid lame excusses

    1. Hi there, very good point!
      Hi there, very good point! And she should be there for you, too!

  3. Be open to one another avoid
    Be open to one another avoid being secretive

    1. Hi Tshipani,

      Hi Tshipani,
      you are absolutely right, being open is a key to a good relationship.

    2. Correct, secrets really…
      Correct, secrets really damage relationship.personally if I love you and keep things from me,it won’t be easy with me

      1. We agree Dove. Thank you for…

        We agree Dove. Thank you for your contribution.

        1. Hi Raj, welcome to Love…
          Hi Raj, welcome to Love Matters…

  4. Always make him your best
    Always make him your best freind

    1. That’s a good one, Lydiah!
      That’s a good one, Lydiah!

  5. I need a good wife in future
    I need a good wife in future

    1. Hi Harun,

      Hi Harun,
      be a good husband, and you might have a good wife!

  6. always try and be sincere
    always try and be sincere with one another

    1. Hi Mercy,

      Hi Mercy,
      great point, thanks for sharing!

    1. Yep, that’s very important.
      Yep, that’s very important.

  7. Hi thts right, i like the
    Hi thts right, i like the points….

    1. We are glad to hear that!
      We are glad to hear that!

  8. trust yourself so that you
    trust yourself so that you can trust your partner

    1. That’s a good one, Verounique
      That’s a good one, Verounique! Very true!

  9. Thanks good points hope men
    Thanks good points hope men can b this way.

    1. Thanks for your comment!
      Thanks for your comment!

    1. But it can also be beautiful.
      But it can also be beautiful…

  10. always be there when he needs
    always be there when he needs me

    1. Hi Shuxy,

      Hi Shuxy,
      that’s really important, too!

  11. communication &humour does it
    communication &humour does it all

    1. Humour! Absolutely! You are
      Humour! Absolutely! You are completely right, Lucy.

  12. being there for each other
    being there for each other and nt being secretive

  13. shyness & fear ar de course
    shyness & fear ar de course of communication breakdown in a relationship, hw can I overcome dem?

    1. By being courageous, Angelic.
      By being courageous, Angelic. It can be very scary, but approaching with courage will make a relationship better.

  14. U can cross ocean without
    U can cross ocean without wetting ur legs but u cant fall in love without wetting ur eyes

    1. Aww, beautiful, Muhdin,
      Aww, beautiful, Muhdin, thanks for sharing!

  15. Being Faithful To Each Other
    Being Faithful To Each Other Is The Key To A Hapy Rltnshp

    1. That’s definitely a big issue
      That’s definitely a big issue!

  16. Make him ur bstfrnd n lov him
    Make him ur bstfrnd n lov him truely

    1. Hi Purity,

      Hi Purity,
      that’s very true, good one!

  17. Spending some times together.
    Spending some times together.

  18. communication esp in distance
    communication esp in distance r/ship

    1. You are absolutely right,
      You are absolutely right, Maggie!

  19. if u dont want to b cheated
    if u dont want to b cheated on first be faithful in ur relationship….

    1. Hi Liz,

      Hi Liz,
      unfortunately, your own faithfulness isn’t necessarily an indicator for the other person to be faithful.

  20. I usually kiss and hug
    I usually kiss and hug several times but i feel extra love for my gal bt i dnt feel its enough to say that i love her what can i do to eplore her brain and make her thnk of me every nw and then

    1. Hmm, can you send her
      Hmm, can you send her messages? And just be generally nice to her? Be nice to her, respect her and make sure she is happy? That might do the trick!

  21. Communication is th key to a
    Communication is th key to a happy relationship

    1. Absolutely right, Chipo.
      Absolutely right, Chipo.

  22. In btwn two of yu priotise
    In btwn two of yu priotise TRUST..PERIOD

    1. Thanks for your input!
      Thanks for your input!

    1. Glad to hear this, Miriam.
      Glad to hear this, Miriam.

  23. trust,respect,faithfulness r
    trust,respect,faithfulness r the key to a lasting rlnshp

  24. My wife fear me what can i do
    My wife fear me what can i do 2 make her not to fear me?

    1. Njau,

      Njau,
      have you asked her why she fears you? Maybe it’s a certain behavior. Or maybe she has had bad experiences in the past. Talk to her and find out what’s going on.

  25. how will i know if she loves
    how will i know if she loves me and me alone ?

    1. Justine,

      Justine,
      Love is elusive. It is hard to describe but you know it when you feel it. The same goes for your partner, there is no way to know for sure but it’s a feeling. Trust your gut, you know more than you think. Just remember that everyone expresses and feels love a bit differently.

  26. Friendshp dat last longer is
    Friendshp dat last longer is 1 abuilt on teachng of islam doin do’s and avoidng dont’s l.e greetng with hands ,kissng,sexing and many mor whch islam condems

  27. What happens when you not so
    What happens when you not so open up to your partner,u aint so talkative when both of you are together.Does that Mean Dey dont love you or it just thier nature

    1. It might be their nature, but
      It might be their nature, but for a good relationship, communication is crucial.

  28. Lwez return da love,mek him
    Lwez return da love,mek him/her feel loved…it hurts to lov som1 wo doesnt lov u back. N agree wit u comm. is da key to a healthy r/ship..i lmost brok up wit ma guy cz f dat.

    1. Thanks for sharing your story
      Thanks for sharing your story, Nancie.

  29. Don’t supervise or become too
    Don’t supervise or become too inquisitive to your partner , she will find the relationship hectic and limiting her from socialising with others ,definitely you will lose the game.

    1. Thanks for sharing Mathew.
      Thanks for sharing Mathew.

  30. I have lived to believe that
    I have lived to believe that marriage is a very difficult thing or organisation

    1. It all comes down to good
      It all comes down to good communication. If that isn’t working, then yes, it will be difficult.

  31. these are so inspiring advice
    these are so inspiring advice especially 2those who are married ad feels dat thy cant go on wid there married.Thankz 4 da these advices.

    1. You are welcome, Esther.
      You are welcome, Esther.

  32. Yeah communication brings
    Yeah communication brings strong love

  33. never lie 2 her nomatter what
    never lie 2 her nomatter what she will come 2 know

    1. That’s good advice, Chris.
      That’s good advice, Chris.

  34. Respect her,lov her
    Respect her,lov her practically en alwayz try 2 make her hapi.

    1. Thanks for sharing, Kathee.
      Thanks for sharing, Kathee.

  35. b truthful and open to ur
    b truthful and open to ur partner, dont ever put him in a situation of losing trust in you cz that wl b th beggining of problems

    1. Thanks for sharing, Titus.
      Thanks for sharing, Titus.

  36. can there b love without
    can there b love without trust???

    1. That would be really
      That would be really difficult, Monnie.

    1. That’s a great start, Paul!
      That’s a great start, Paul!

  37. Always defend her/him when u
    Always defend her/him when u heare other ppke tlking ill abot her/him.

    1. That’s a good one, John!
      That’s a good one, John!

  38. her to obey and me to respect
    her to obey and me to respect,yes

    1. Can you tell us more what you
      Can you tell us more what you mean by obey?

  39. Trust each other n avoid
    Trust each other n avoid rumours from friends who might desroy ur luv

    1. Thanks for sharing, Charles.
      Thanks for sharing, Charles.

  40. is it necessary to tel my
    is it necessary to tel my fiance evrythng i hav done in the past

    1. Great question, Maureen.

      Great question, Maureen.
      Honesty is really important in a relationship. But then, sometimes, it’s better to keep things quiet. The past is the past- and sometimes, it can be better not to dwell too much on it.

  41. sharing out and being open ..
    sharing out and being open …makes one feel secure with the other partner

    1. That’s great, thanks, Marily.
      That’s great, thanks, Marily.

  42. make sure tat you two feel
    make sure tat you two feel secure wit earch other.

    1. Thanks for sharing, Yasmin.
      Thanks for sharing, Yasmin.

  43. Am greatful to lean that
    Am greatful to lean that

    1. We are happy to hear that!
      We are happy to hear that!

  44. Communication z all abt happy
    Communication z all abt happy relationship

  45. i love my gal v.much but
    i love my gal v.much but distance is the main obstacle…she gves me lame excuses not 2 mit me…does she loves me??help

    1. Have you talked to her about
      Have you talked to her about this? And have you asked her if she loves you?

    2. Have you talked to her about
      Have you talked to her about this? And have you asked her if she loves you?

  46. absolutely true u have 2
    absolutely true u have 2 share anyting 4 the best of ur knowledge faithfulness trust and respect must be there talk about every issue 2 gether ur likes and dislikes always put God 1st 4 anyting seek his wisdom and guidance everytym and always pray 4 ur hubby and ur fiancee 2 4 protection

  47. I love those points and they
    I love those points and they are true..

  48. faithfulness,trust,honesty
    faithfulness,trust,honesty and respect is the key

    1. Thanks for sharing, Hussein.
      Thanks for sharing, Hussein.

  49. i jst like this message.thank
    i jst like this message.thank u very much

    1. You are most welcome!
      You are most welcome!

  50. he has a side chic bt he stil
    he has a side chic bt he stil loves me. he messages her everyday with sweet love m that hurts mi alot

    1. Ouch! That’s tough, Meg. Have
      Ouch! That’s tough, Meg. Have you told him how much it hurts you?

  51. My boy keeps on saying that i
    My boy keeps on saying that i dont know how to talk to him yet i dont see where i go wrong.

    1. Vanessa,

      Vanessa,
      Next time he says it, ask him what he expects from you. He needs to say what he wants and needs, otherwise, he can’t blame you for bad communication, if he is just as bad.

  52. Let Jesus be the foundation
    Let Jesus be the foundation in every rshp. also being trustworthy and faithful to your partner.

    1. Thank you for your comment,
      Thank you for your comment, Rose

    1. Thanks for your input, Jane.
      Thanks for your input, Jane.

  53. I luv ma guy so much wi r in
    I luv ma guy so much wi r in our 2nd month since we started dating.bur da problem he iz always tied up in his job.da tym I need him he iz nt thea 4 mi.n da thing fuck up ma mind he does nt communicate.am dem confused shld I gv it tym or I call it game short.pliiiz help.

    1. It’s up to you, Maggie.

      It’s up to you, Maggie.
      Can you live with it or not?
      But remember, nobody will ever be around you all the time. People have to work, and they have other commitments. And sometimes, they just need their own space.

  54. be free wth hm n dont be
    be free wth hm n dont be judgemental so that u can b yourselves

  55. love the points…are way
    love the points…are way tooooo useful kudos

    1. Toooooo useful? Lol 🙂
      Toooooo useful? Lol 🙂

  56. nice and good meditation of
    nice and good meditation of words.

  57. communication does it all..my
    communication does it all..my man and i have been apart for two years now..but we talk all the time my best friend…and i swear my love has grown stronger for him during our time apart.though he not humerous at all!!!

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  58. thts great and interesting
    thts great and interesting recommendation, especially tht one of discussion, listening and coming to an agreement, lovli memories of places u were and also not repeating the same don’ts , thanks

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts

  59. hi i have a new chick,
    hi i have a new chick, exepecting valentines to be our first date,how do i treat her

    1. With honesty and respect!

      With honesty and respect!
      Be nice, be open, show interest in her.
      Compliment her.

  60. I belev there is no love but
    I belev there is no love but there is trust.

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts.

  61. my weakness is how to
    my weakness is how to approach her.

    .wen she is wid her friends

    1. Hillary,

      Hillary,
      could you approach her when she is without her friends? That might be easier.

  62. Let your partner feel like he
    Let your partner feel like he/she is the only one you always think about

  63. Respecting each other and
    Respecting each other and always pay attention when having conversation

  64. dis are points 2 guide
    dis are points 2 guide towards healthy r/ship.

    1. Yep, that’s it, Patrick!
      Yep, that’s it, Patrick!

  65. hi am in a long distance
    hi am in a long distance relationship which is proving to so hard as time passes. We haven’t met physical and that’s one of the reasons why it’s proving to be difficult .So my question is how do I make this girl fall for me madly even she is that far

    1. Sean,

      Sean,
      is there any way you can meet her at some point?

  66. my fiancee doesnt want to
    my fiancee doesnt want to have sex with me.what can i do?

  67. Always remember what brought
    Always remember what brought you together in the first place.

  68. What Can I Do To Make My Guy
    What Can I Do To Make My Guy Trust Me? He Belives What Other People Say Than Me And He Blames Me For Every Wrangle In D Rlshp I Feel So Hurt Please Help Me

    1. Mzungu,

      Mzungu,
      have you talked to him about this? You need to have an honest talk, because, if the two of you continue like this, I don’t think your relationship has much of a future…

  69. respect his social life
    respect his social life mostly the phone..it may heartbreak you

  70. respect his social life
    respect his social life mostly the phone..it may heartbreak you

    1. Thanks for your comment,
      Thanks for your comment, Charity.

  71. Trust each other,lairs are
    Trust each other,lairs are not allowed,no cheating

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts!

  72. time en respect 4 each other
    time en respect 4 each other

    1. That’s also very important,
      That’s also very important, Winnie!

  73. the article is Amazing n so
    the article is Amazing n so true gracias

    1. You are most welcome!
      You are most welcome!

  74. I am battling with long
    I am battling with long distance problem in my relationship. How do i handle it?

  75. very true thanx alot.how
    very true thanx alot.how about the long distance love? how does it affect the relationship esp those in courtship?.

    1. Hi Mukisa,

      Hi Mukisa,
      use our search box- we have plenty of info on long-distance relationships!

  76. how do you tell ur partner
    how do you tell ur partner your status if u are positive

  77. 100% truth communication is
    100% truth communication is the key to a happy r/ship. Have been in a r/ship for 4yrs but communication was a problem found it to b a one way traffic all he could say was he’s too busy to even make a call or sms. just the beginning of this yr he called me just to tell me he wanted a relationship break for him to analyse himself since he said he wasn’t mature into the r/ship. this has bn the second time he has talked to me abt a r/ship break. All I could say was to wish him best of luck in his life coz have decided I need to move on with life.

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Sue.

  78. Hi m gfrd does not wnt 2
    Hi m gfrd does not wnt 2 communicate or call m wht cn do pliz.

    1. You need to try to talk to
      You need to try to talk to her and try to find out what is going on. Relationships without communication can’t work.

  79. Give her some good time in
    Give her some good time in form of communication & try to take care of her.

  80. i like my neighbour who we
    i like my neighbour who we unfortunatly stay on the same flat who is girl btw..but i dont know if she likes me back or how to ask her to be my girlfriend or if its cool to date ur neighbour..please help

  81. Hello. My girlfriend needs an
    Hello. My girlfriend needs an engagement ring. Is this OK? I feel it’s not that important to me. What should I do Incase I have to buy her one. Thank you

    1. Hi David,

      Hi David,

      Do you intend to marry her? If you have made a choice to marry her you can go ahead and engage her. If not then you need to talk it out with her.

      Here is an article that will give you more information https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/marriage .

  82. I love my guy,but he want our
    I love my guy,but he want our relationship 2 be friends,but 2 me I feel he is the light hubby 4 me, need Advise

  83. had unprotected sex with
    had unprotected sex with anothr man for once in ma life…av been dating one guy and he has been honest with me evn aftr being away frm him for months bcoz of my studies…its 2 months past that act but av been so guilty about it.anothr thing worrying is that mayb he was positive.how do i handl this

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,

      The first thing you should do is think about going for HIV testing.

      Its difficult to disclose to your partner that you were unfaithful and it depends with what you want to achieve with the disclosure.

      Check out this article to learn more https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/cheating .

  84. there is this lady we knew @
    there is this lady we knew @ other two

    months ago she share her secrets abt her life does she has a crush with mi

    1. Hi Hosman,

      Hi Hosman,
      Anyone that shares their secrets with you shows that they have trust towards you.
      Its best that you find out from her how she feel about you since she is already open towards you.

  85. Communications&trust is
    Communications&trust is important in arelationship…no point of dating someone who acts like a landlord…safaricom is even better from..it’s horrible ave experience this..

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts Euca.

  86. I love my guy a lot,we used
    I love my guy a lot,we used to communicate bt nowday he keeps telling that me how bizy he is that he can’t get time to text or call,I need your advice please coz I don’t wanna loose him

    1. Hi Suzie, sorry that you are
      Hi Suzie, sorry that you are going through this.

      This could be difficult to hear but he does not care about the relationship. Someone who loves and cares about you wants to talk to you and be with you. Take time to think about if that is the kind of relationship you would want to be in.

  87. Thank you for that lesson i
    Thank you for that lesson i really appreciate but the problem is that we used to live in the same place him&his family left to a different place we hardly talk so what should i do to keep this relationship stronger please help

  88. I really really love this
    I really really love this girl but how do I use actions to show her.. I literary call her send sms to remind her of the same and gifts. I also support her in each of her activities she is passionate about. which more actions do I have to do so that I prove to her I love her because I do

    1. You first need to talk to her
      You first need to talk to her and find out her definition of Love. What love means to her and what she likes. You need not guess just talk to her and find out.

  89. i bilieve respect is
    i bilieve respect is important of all..

    1. Thanks for your input Joy.
      Thanks for your input Joy.

  90. Hi. I love my guy so much and
    Hi. I love my guy so much and I don’t want to loose him. Initially we would communicate frequently and check on each other. Chat through social media etc and of late until I break the silent, is when he’d sound to break the silence too. And when I ask what’s the problem he says he’s okay and there’s nothing wrong. Kindly advice what could be happening. Am straining a lot to find out what could be the problem
    Regards

    1. Hi Neytah,

      Hi Neytah,

      Have you asked him why he does that. Talk to him and try to find out why he has changed.

  91. My boyfriend is my neighbour
    My boyfriend is my neighbour and like we meet almost like everyday..and we call each like 3 times in a day..we’ve been dating for one year..so communication,trust and respect is the key to a beautiful relationship

    1. Thanks Jchiri for sharing
      Thanks Jchiri for sharing that with us.

  92. What can i do to rekindle my
    What can i do to rekindle my love fr my wife i feel like a distance z being created btn us pls help

  93. indeed, these good researches
    indeed, these good researches made, I endorse you for further…

    1. Thank you for your
      Thank you for your endorsement.

  94. I luv a guy so much nd he
    I luv a guy so much nd he does nt even create a time 4 me he can call me but from time to time,i can only go 2 his place went i want 2 see him nt dat he ask or he wanted nd sumtimes he may aks me nt 2 come dat his tired he want 2 rest,does dat mean dat he love me?

    1. Hi Maricy, You need to talk…
      Hi Maricy, You need to talk to your partner and find out what his expectations of you and the relationship are. Since his actions are confusing you need to find out exactly how he feels toward you. With these you can determine how to proceed. We wish you well.

  95. Iam in love with this guy but
    Iam in love with this guy but i have a child and i dont want him to know cause i love him so much what can i do please

    1. Hi Maracle, You could choose…
      Hi Maracle, You could choose not to tell him but for ow long can you keep this from him? Do you want to start a relationship with a lie? If he loves you, he will love you with everything you come with. Think about about and make an informed decision about this.

  96. Always avoid disappointments.
    Always avoid disappointments.

    1. Paddy, thank you for your…
      Paddy, thank you for your contribution.

  97. I love women you not women…
    I love women you not women and love you bcs

    1. Thank you for sharing Tyson…
      Thank you for sharing Tyson. Anything we can do for you?

  98. Never hide anything from…
    Never hide anything from your partner no matter how small it is

    1. Thank you for your…

      Thank you for your contribution Lryn. Keeping secrets maybe the start of problems in a relationship.

  99. What if his so up tight and…
    What if his so up tight and always read different meaning to your words and makes u feel like the worse person on earth and you love him so much please what do you do, I need help am breaking down its so hard.

    1. Dear  Nora, so sorry about…

      Dear  Nora, so sorry about this. Do you really want to stay in a relationship with a person who makes you feel like the worst person on earth? Your partner ought to treat you with love and respect. It is important that you take sometime and think about what you want now and infuture including the kind of person you want in a partner. Do your current partner meet what you are looking for in partner? Check out the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/breaking-up/knowing-when-to-break-up

  100. Hi, house just need an…
    Hi, house just need an advice.. My girlfriend is getting me worried that I had an High blood pressure. She always say I don’t give her attention and she needs me. She’s like every time am always available for others at work and am not available for her. Though we do see each other at my working place only.. Am sacred of loosing her. What should I do

    1. Dear Emmanuel, spending…

      Dear Emmanuel, spending quality time with your partner is an important part of growing your relationship as you get to know each other. While you may not be available for her round the clock, it is important to dedicate time for her and indeed give attention. When partners don’t spend time together they begin to grow apart which can cause a relationship to fail. Do find a good time and talk about this with your partner, start by getting to know what she feels you need to improve on and then agree on when you will spend time together. Try and make it as frequent as possible. We wish you all the best, have a look at this article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/jealousy-and-other-problems

  101. always be faithful to ur…
    always be faithful to ur patner

    1. Thank you for the advice,…

      Thank you for the advice, Nmesoma. 

  102. I had miss understanding btw…
    I had miss understanding btw me and girlfriend and seriously in deep pains… Please advise me what to do

  103. Nicodemus muli Love is…

    Nicodemus muli Love is Everything!

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