crucifix made of ash
Shutterstock/Domagoj Burilovic

She doesn't want to come to my church

My girlfriend is in a different church. She has refused to join me and am not ready to join her church. What can I do?

Hello my brother, having similar beliefs is very important in any relationships; as are many other things. The relationship is easier when the couple is on the same page spiritually. That’s one of the many potential conflict zones taken care of.
Many relationships have broken due to this issue; others have lost the love of their life due to differences in religion.

However, I personally think that having compatible beliefs and worrying about where to worship is more applicable in marriage and not dating.

Dating vs marriage

What I am saying is: it’s not fair to force your girlfriend to go to your church before you put the ring on her finger.
I hope you are not one of those controlling men who must have a say in all situations. At this stage (of dating), it shouldn’t really matter where she is goes to church.
Remember, she too belongs to a family with traditions. And going to church as a family is probably important.

So essentially you are asking her to choose between you and her family – which is not fair.

She probably has the same reasons why she won’t come to your church as you have for not going to hers.
And please note, in most Christian tradition, the man marries the woman in her church; then they move to his church and, even then, a good man would consider what is best for both.

My own story

When I got married almost 19 years ago, my husband had this fantasy of a wedding in his church, married by his priest among his family and friends. So when he was told of the tradition where the marriage ceremony takes place in the girl’s church, he resisted until his own mother and priest affirmed the same. And we were married in my church, then started going to his church.
But I never quite fitted in: part of the service was in a foreign language and the rituals were very different to what I was used to. When we were blessed with our first child, we decided to look for a church with a good Sunday school program. We then settle for a neutral church that was acceptable to both of us; a decision we are both very proud of.

Resolving the issue

To me it seems like this girl is the ‘one’, so much so that you even want her in your church desperately. If that is the case, then I think she will start taking you more seriously if you pop the question. Given that you are both Christians, the issue of which church you both should attend should be addressed during pre-marital counseling.
You are lucky you are both Christians. Imagine she believed in a different religion or was an atheist. Then you would have had a bigger problem.

If you are not ready to settle down yet, then I would suggest you take it slowly for now.
I wish you well and hope you will both resolve this issue.


What do you think – should she join him in church? Join the discussion below or on Facebook. For questions, head to our forum.

Comments
Add new comment

Comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: <a href hreflang>