Upset couple in bed together
Jeppe Schilder

Good fights versus bad fights

Almost every couple fights sometimes. While rows are normal in a relationship, it's a good idea to think about what might be causing them.

Arguments are a symptom of brewing discontent. If resolved at the right time they can bring you closer together, but brushing them under the carpet could be harmful to your relationship.

We all have our own reasons for arguing. Sometimes we want more of a say in how the relationship works. Sometimes we want to prove we're right, or to show that the other person's wrong. Whatever your reasons, be aware of why you're picking a fight.

You could apply some rules to your arguments. Fights can get ugly if you raise your voices, swear at each other, or get physical. To avoid these situations, always treat the other person the way you would like to be treated yourself.

If you and your partner are fighting over the same issue again and again, it's a sign of a long-standing and unresolved dispute. There are different ways of approaching such a stalemate. You can step back and look at the fights from a distance - go beyond the petty issues and find out what's actually causing the discontent. Most agreements can be negotiated, but not everything. If you feel outside help would benefit your relationship, maybe you could go to a counsellor specialised in relationship conflicts.

Find out more in our Fighting: Do’s and Don’ts.

Comments
michellemaina (not verified)
Thu, 09/25/2014 - 06:32 pm

What he has been unfaithful with the same woman? You quarrel he says it's over first and second time. Third time you catch him again. Does that mean your not worthy or what should you handle it?
michellemaina (not verified)
Thu, 09/25/2014 - 06:32 pm

What he has been unfaithful with the same woman? You quarrel he says it's over first and second time. Third time you catch him again. Does that mean your not worthy or what should you handle it?

Hi Michelle, it sounds like he just can't stop. After giving him two chances, he still hasn't learned. I find that worrying. So unless you think he really can change, I would say chances are slim... Sorry! You deserve much better than this!
leone (not verified)
Fri, 10/03/2014 - 01:49 pm

my girl who we have dated 2 yrs divorced me last week,issue was she doubted that i cheats and she never even a single day got me,am faithful bt she ddnt want me xplain,..we quarreled for 2 months and eventually she came with divorce,..we have even aborted with her but once,.also i was her first lover,..will she come back cz stil i love her??

Hi Leone, I suggest you give her some time, and then try to talk to her again Something seems to have gone wrong, and maybe the two of you can find out together what happened, and how to make things right again. It won't be easy, but you can always give it a try. Good luck!
Valera (not verified)
Sat, 02/28/2015 - 08:03 pm

My bf always compares m 2 his previous ladies,he once lived with his x under the same roof bt claimed nothin happened i blved him n we went on,later he found a love text in my 4n 4rm my x got angry n even beat m up since that incident he cals m a liar wenever i don't answer his cals/texts wen busy he even cals m a player am getting tired n feel like quittin but i love him,wat should i do????

Valera, a person who beats you doesn't respect you. He seems to have some serious issues and is taking this out on you. Please think about if this is the kind of relationship you want to be in.
dolyn (not verified)
Tue, 05/26/2015 - 07:40 pm

he doesn't call or text even for three weeks and any time i complain, he claims that he loves me and therefore i should never complain.
Anonymous (not verified)
Mon, 08/10/2015 - 10:02 pm

hi we have known each other since we were in primary,we dated for two yrs n evrthng was fine untill her cousin came,claimed that she liked me,hugged n kissed me bt never made love.that was while my gal was away.upon coming back she just said it was over untill now she cant give a second chance no matter hw hard i have tried to apologise.i love her.plz help.
dave (not verified)
Tue, 08/11/2015 - 09:59 am

hi nko na gf mwenye tumedate nae fo almost three years bt the problem is dat wen we talk thru phone hatuongeei poa lakini akiwa na mimi karibu tunaongea poa..shida i wapi
bertie (not verified)
Sun, 08/16/2015 - 04:21 pm

If u alwz fight 4 de same problem cheating ,n u end up getting insults from de side he cheats wid,then he defends himself dat he ended n relationship,Now she wants 2 payback by spoilling his marriage.who 2 believe in dis story?
viona (not verified)
Sun, 09/27/2015 - 06:36 pm

we do quarrel with my fiancé and every time we quarrel with him he refers me to her ex girlfriend and that issue irritates me even I doubt if he loves me
Sofia (not verified)
Sat, 02/27/2016 - 02:21 pm

At first the communication was good but now the communication has deteriorated he never calls if i do he doesn't pick up if i text he doesn't i don't know what to do anymore pliz help

Hi Sofia, sorry that you are going through this.it sounds as though your boyfriend does not care about the relationship. You need to take time and think about what you want and then make a decision.
shie (not verified)
Fri, 03/04/2016 - 07:12 pm

Hi i hv a guy n i love him wid all ma hrt, n he claims to love mi bt each tym i receive a kol from any guy,hataniongelesha all day its too much i fill like quitting bt i love him,pliz help mi
Lizy (not verified)
Wed, 05/04/2016 - 08:29 am

My bf has bn cheating on mi emotionally n that hurts more thn even physically ave bn trying to forget but I can't it hurts more n more everyday
francess (not verified)
Sun, 05/29/2016 - 04:11 pm

My boyfriend confessed to me after 6months of dating that he has a child with his ex..... but loves to marry me, I wasn't happy about it but I love him too, want to know if I can go ahead and marry him and this would create a problem in my marriage in future
Ali (not verified)
Fri, 06/10/2016 - 01:13 am

I have a girl,i love too much but mine mother is stop me from marry that girl and i can go away with the girl.please should i forget about mine mother and marry the girl or what.please help and am seriously mad about the girl.

Hi Ali Sorry that you are in that predicament. Parents love us and mostly want the best for us but that does not mean they are always right. When it comes to matters of the heart and love one needs to make their own decisions whether others feel its write or wrong. All the best to you.
Keith (not verified)
Sat, 06/11/2016 - 10:47 am

I love someone we recently broke she says she loves me but we can't be together when I express myself she finds a way of turning things and blaming me I love her but she doesn't believe me what can I do
Diana (not verified)
Sun, 06/19/2016 - 11:48 pm

Met this guy a yr ago , he told mi he loved mi but i told him i wasnt ready coz i had just broken up with my ex. He said he wd wwait , after some months of accept ing him he told mi he had a girlfriend but he loves mu. Wat do i do coz am confused.
shakirah (not verified)
Mon, 06/20/2016 - 07:32 am

i had a guy mwana but i luvs him so much naye am doubting him bz has afriend whom they share minds also he follows wat his friend do now wat can i do for himw ad i need to continue with him in ma lyfe
Mercie (not verified)
Mon, 06/20/2016 - 01:14 pm

i had ab.f and i concieved in ma s.6 and just ran away 4rm sch. coz i was scared ov facing ma parents afta few months in exile ma b.f told me dat he had 4kidz 4rm diferent mumz it shocked me & i was abt 2 abort bt it was late coz i was remaining wiz only 2 months 2 deliever ma baby i decided 2 wait bt wen ma baby was 2mnths old i kald ma mother & askd 4 4givnes & she told me 2 go bac hom so dat i go bac 2 sch,i went hom bt after few months he visted ma parents claiming dat he luvs me& in de proces ma mum 4ced me 2 go bac saying dat after rol am already spoilt, i went bac & wiz in few months i concieved ma 2nd born bt de prob z de guy left me saying dat he has gon abroad,bt its almost 2yrs wiz out recieving a single coin 4rm him & my 1st born z suposed 2 be at sch. wat can i do coz wen ever i try 2 kal he tels dat hez gona send me moni bt he doesn't 4 real am trying 2 move on bt its 2 difclt 4 me 2 4get ma past wat can i do coz am confusf o

Hi Mercie, sorry for what you are going through. This could be difficult to hear but it seems he abandoned you. It is difficult to bring up a family more so single handedly and without support . You need to think about where you can get support while you work to support your children. Take time and identify a support structure like relatives and friends to help you navigate this difficult time. Check out this article on how to move on https://lovematters.co.ke/resource/after-the-break-up .
Elorm (not verified)
Mon, 06/20/2016 - 02:45 pm

My boyfriend is a Muslim n I love him so much.his dad said he should marry a lady who is willing to become a Muslim too,,,hmm am ready to marry a Muslim BT don't want to convert to a Muslim,,,wat do I do pls,,,can't live without him
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