Valentine, on-call
Alphonce Omondi

Should I go back to my abusive boyfriend?

My boyfriend has hit me several times and afterward he feels very sorry and so when I want to leave him I have second thoughts. His parents have talked to me and warned him about beating me. Should I go back to him?

Oh honey, of course you should get back with this man. You should commit to a toothless life of being beaten regularly. He is after all so sorry that he cannot stop himself. He loves you so much that he wants to make sure that you are in pain both physically and emotionally. He will continue to love you in this violent way because even though his parents have warned him, he respects them enough to continue beating you. Once you have children, he will beat them too and yours will be the household that people point at as a warning and say “do not end up with a crazy man like that one”.

Seriously, you must leave him. Do not look back, do not send a text message and do not have a conversation to tell him that you are leaving. Just go. Run to a friend’s house and stay there for a few weeks if you can. Do not speak to him for at least three months. Run.

Abusive relationships are like a drug. The highs and lows are so emotionally draining that nobody gets out of it without help. Do not try to be the hero thinking that you can talk this man into letting you leave him amicably. Just leave.

In a few months you can start asking yourself the hard questions: why are you willing to consider staying with a man who treats you this way? What is it about him that you find so attractive? Are you addicted to drama? How have you created this relationship? You are not responsible for his behaviour but you are responsible for forgiving him and staying with him.

I am sorry that this has happened to you, it is very painful. I really recommend that you do not get into a new relationship until you figure out the answers to these questions. Professional counselling can really help you with this. Good luck.

Have you freed yourself from an abusive relationship? Share your experiences by leaving a comment below or joining the discussion on Facebook.

Comments
Eunice (not verified)
Mon, 02/24/2014 - 11:01 pm

dis is true nd hard to forgive ur self whn u aln bt if u blv in u am real sure u wil heal da story above touched my heart as ive bin lvng dat lyf too nd wateva stated da ive bin da victim so nw am stil on da run nd healing my soothing body nd curing my self by being strong thou it hard bt am sure i wil win

Hi Eunice, I am sorry you had to go through a bad experience. Stay strong, and I am sure you will overcome everything. Good luck!
Anonymous (not verified)
Wed, 06/18/2014 - 04:49 am

This is true. When u leave dont tell him. Just run. I was just lucky im alive today with my baby. Warnings are there but i did continue going back to him. Coz i thought he is perfect for me. But things got worse everyday. From stealing money from me, stealing stuffs to other people, being too materialistic and fighting over sex.(he doesnt like sex with me, but he cheated with a prostitute), i knew it needs to end before he can kill me. He is talking about demons getting inside him. And he said he is much scarier than before with his flaming eyes.he is in rage. I dnt know why he is like that to me.so angry. He attempted to kill me. Luckily i got my other cellphone
kristina (not verified)
Wed, 06/18/2014 - 04:59 am

This is true. When u leave dont tell him. Just run. I was just lucky im alive today with my baby. Warnings are there but i did continue going back to him. Coz i thought he is perfect for me. But things got worse everyday. From stealing money from me, stealing stuffs to other people, being too materialistic and fighting over sex.(he doesnt like sex with me, but he cheated with a prostitute), i knew it needs to end before he can kill me. He is talking about demons getting inside him. And he said he is much scarier than before with his flaming eyes.he is in rage. I dnt know why he is like that to me.so angry. He attempted to kill me. Luckily i got my other cellphone and called my brother to save me. He got my other celphone coz he doesnt want me to tell anyone abt it. He even said wait, he is going to stab me with a knife. When he left the door. I locked it. He wants to turn the story upside down. He said he is going to call a police??. He is really insane. But then i said to him to leave me. I dnt need him anymore. He still ask for his wallet which is i know is imaginary. He asks for money so he cud leave me. I didnt give him any. Mybe he found something. Then left. I received death threats from him after that. Well i wished he is better now. I only wished he n his family to forget me. Thats all. I dnt want further damage.im happy now. Im free. Its when someone attempted to leave u like thrice or even once. Just go. Get out as early as u can. I learned from my mistake. I deserve to be loved.
Tabitha Njeri (not verified)
Fri, 09/19/2014 - 07:55 pm

I have been married for 4yrs n hv a 3 yr old son. Since last year, my husband suddenly changed. He stopped talking to me n could only talk when having an arguement. He started slapping me when we argue n then real beatings even wth a belt. I persievered n never talked to anyone about it. Three months ago he hit me so much on the head, I almost passed out. That night I packed my bags n left but he refused wth our son. I applied for a job in Lebanon and left the country immediately. I am happy without him. But nw he has gone to court to get full custody of the child claiming that I dissappeared and am nowhere to b seen. Please give me some advise

Tabitha, we are so sorry to hear this! We are glad to hear that you got away and are safe now. The best advice we can give you is to get a good lawyer. It's a tricky situation and you need the best support you can get. All the best, we are keeping our fingers crossed for you!
Add new comment

Comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: <a href hreflang>
By submitting this form, you accept the Mollom privacy policy.