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Porn addiction: fixing what I broke

Simon made some discoveries about his life and porn as he’s grown older. He knows that it negatively affected him, and done more harm than good. Can he turn it around?

Genesis

It’s funny how some things sneak up on you. When you make the realization that something you thought only happened to other people is happening to you.
Porn had been an abstract concept to me for a long time, well into my late teens. I never really had access to it. The first time I watched a porn video was at my friend’s house. It didn’t blow my mind the way it did my friends, and I never really sought to actualize what I saw with women in real life.

By any stretch of the imagination, I don’t think I’m addicted to porn, or masturbation for that matter. They were just things that I did from time to time to 'scratch an itch'.
However, I can say that I do these things with more frequency than I have sex with a woman. Why? Well, I’ve been in some relationships that ended really badly. It got to a point where I wouldn’t even try to talk to women or make an effort to go on dates. In my mind, it was always going to end badly.

So it got to a point where it made more sense to stay home and watch porn than to deal with everything else a potential relationship would require in the quest for sex.

It’s a problem

The older I got, the more I understood how destructive porn was. Half the time the contexts are unrealistic, which is probably why men think such unlikely scenarios in porn can translate into real life.
Sex often doesn’t just happen, as is implied by the plumber and peeping Tom neighbour scenarios.
It’s also the reason why guys are so selfish during sex. They got their sex education from porn, and in porn, the guy’s satisfaction is always the most important. It warps your mind.

I think the things that got to me most are the unemotional nature of sex and the self-gratification. It seems like this act that you just jump in, get done, and proceed with your life.

I’ve come to understand that that’s not what sex is. There’s always, always some level of emotion involved, if not on your part, then the other party’s.

This could be an attraction to you, a suppression of an attraction, or a temporary escape from whatever issues they have… In the long run, no one leaves unscathed. To expect this to translate just means we end up breaking people we come into contact with, and we’re actively making the world a bitter and resentful place.

Getting Back

The best sex I’ve had so far was in the context of a relationship. It wasn’t just about me getting my rocks off, it was about making my girlfriend happy, it was about the lead up to sex, what happened in the aftermath. It was a more complex beast compared to clicking on a video and forwarding to the part you’re interested in.

Somewhere between the emotional fatigue and the uptick in porn use I forgot this. The crutch got convenient, and it crippled me in more ways than I thought. Now I’m working to get back to a healthier view of sex.

So this is where porn and I go our separate ways. It was an interesting ride though.


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Comments
Wahhab Pac
Fri, 03/23/2018 - 10:31
Indeed what I have read is what happens in real life to some people, incuding me at one point of my life. When I came to realise this I had to quit the game. Ofcourse it stops you from being in a relationship afterall you think you can satisfy yourself by masturbation.
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