New to This
Being an introvert can be hard most days. I’m not really big on human contact, and I’d much rather be at home than around my friends most times. I’ve worked on it, but sometimes I still return to default settings. There’s something to be said about being alone though, the peace of it all… Keeping to myself has meant I’ve learnt a lot of things the hard way, especially with regards to sex.
I had sex for the first time pretty late in life, owing to my awkwardness around girls and my general tendency to be at home when my friends were at a party somewhere.
This was to the point where I essentially stumbled onto my first sexual encounter. I thought we were just making out until clothes started coming off. After we were done, she wanted to cuddle.
She wanted me to hold her till she fell asleep. Every part of my body screamed for me to leave.
I did hold her as she slept, but I didn't get any rest. I just wanted to be by myself in my own bed, but I didn’t know if this was protocol because it was my first time. I asked my friends after, and the unanimous notion was that as soon as you finish having sex… you leave.
'So you guys never cuddle?' I asked as a follow up. When the laughter finally died down, the answer was a resounding 'no'.
You see, for them it was all about the act of sex itself. They weren’t interested in taking away anything emotional from the experience, just the physical. To the point where staying over/letting the girl stay over was demonized.
'You’ll catch feelings if you cuddle, man. And you don’t want to catch feelings. Feelings are messy. Feelings will get you heartbroken.'
I didn’t want to get heartbroken, that’s for sure. So it all made sense to me.
Just do it
In my very short years on this earth, one thing I’ve learnt for sure is this: if you want to know about sex, NEVER ask guys. Ask women.
As I started to hang around more of my female friends, a lot of what I thought was fact got debunked.
So one day, I found it in myself to ask about my cuddle incident. Several raps to the knuckles later, I understood where the lady was coming from. While my guy friends were looking for the physical, my girl friends were looking for the emotional. Afterplay, as I learnt the cuddling and intimacy after sex is called, was important to the emotional aspect.
So I learnt that afterplay is crucial if you’re having sex with someone you care about and who cares for you. I made a concerted effort to fight the urge to bolt immediately after sex, both because of my innate desire to be alone and the advice from my male friends. I’m more open to afterplay now; I’ve even come to enjoy it. I’m all about a good experience for everyone involved, and a little cuddle goes a long way.
How did you learn about afterplay? Share your story below or on Facebook. For questions, get in touch with our moderators.