First, think about what you like about your partner. Are they great kissers? Are they natural talents when it comes to oral sex? Begin by emphasizing what they do well before making a suggestion to take things to the next level.
‘I really like it when you kiss me. Maybe you can also try some of that action on my neck?’
‘You’re so good at going down on me, but tonight I was thinking it would be fun to…’
Take your time.
Don’t fire all your ideas or complaints at your partner at once. Feed them little by little. That way you can try them out together and see which ones work best for both of you. Plus, you never know what new and exciting frontiers the two of you may discover in the process.
When it comes to being more adventurous, take it step-by-step. You could suggest tickling your partner with a feather, and then if you both enjoy that, maybe suggest a blindfold next time. Always check that your partner is happy with what’s going on.
When talking to your partner about changes in the bedroom, think about how you would like your partner to suggest such changes. What would be the best way to speak to you without you feeling hurt or confused?
Suggest areas you could work on together. For example, start a conversation with ‘I was thinking that together we could try…’
Find out if your partner is happy with what you are doing and give them the space to suggest new things.
‘What do you enjoy the most when we’re having sex?’
‘Would you like it if I….’
‘Do you have any ideas for things we can do differently?’
Be their guide.
Your partner cannot read minds and so won’t know exactly what turns you on. So help them by really showing them. For example, guide their hands and mouths to those extra special spots. And give them the opportunity to do the same.
‘I really like it when you touch me. It would be even better if you did it softer/harder/slower.’
What to do if your partner suggests trying something you don’t like
If your partner wants to talk to you about changing up the routine or doing something new, learn to listen. Laughing at them or passing judgment after they’ve told you an intimate desire or story, will do little to strengthen the relationship. Keep an open mind. Everyone is different, with different experiences, likes, and dislikes…
If you definitely don’t want to try their suggestion, explain why you wouldn’t like it and then try to suggest a fun alternative.
‘I really don’t want to have anal sex as it could be painful. But I’d like it if you stroked and caressed me back there!’
In short, the more you and your partner talk about the ins and outs of making love, the more you’ll both enjoy it.