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Should I go back to my abusive boyfriend?

Valentine, on-call
My boyfriend has hit me several times and afterward he feels very sorry and so when I want to leave him I have second thoughts. His parents have talked to me and warned him about beating me. Should I go back to him?

Oh honey, of course you should get back with this man. You should commit to a toothless life of being beaten regularly. He is after all so sorry that he cannot stop himself. He loves you so much that he wants to make sure that you are in pain both physically and emotionally. He will continue to love you in this violent way because even though his parents have warned him, he respects them enough to continue beating you. Once you have children, he will beat them too and yours will be the household that people point at as a warning and say “do not end up with a crazy man like that one”.

Seriously, you must leave him. Do not look back, do not send a text message and do not have a conversation to tell him that you are leaving. Just go. Run to a friend’s house and stay there for a few weeks if you can. Do not speak to him for at least three months. Run.

Abusive relationships are like a drug. The highs and lows are so emotionally draining that nobody gets out of it without help. Do not try to be the hero thinking that you can talk this man into letting you leave him amicably. Just leave.

In a few months you can start asking yourself the hard questions: why are you willing to consider staying with a man who treats you this way? What is it about him that you find so attractive? Are you addicted to drama? How have you created this relationship? You are not responsible for his behaviour but you are responsible for forgiving him and staying with him.

I am sorry that this has happened to you, it is very painful. I really recommend that you do not get into a new relationship until you figure out the answers to these questions. Professional counselling can really help you with this. Good luck.


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