Premature ejaculation - the couple’s problem?
Jeppe Schilder

Premature ejaculation: a problem for both

Premature ejaculation (PE) is a problem to share. There’s plenty a woman can do to support and help a partner who has trouble with PE.

Premature ejaculation (PE) is when a guy comes before or just after penetration and sooner than he wants to. He can’t control how fast he comes and it causes him distress and has other negative effects for both him and his partner.

When it comes to PE, it’s often best to get treatment together, according to sexologists at Latin America’s SLAMS congress on sexual medicine.

Sixty percent of women don’t know exactly what PE is, a survey of over 400 Brazilian women cited at SLAMS revealed. The good news is that most of the women, aged between 18 and 70, said they were keen to learn more about it.

Without meaning to, women can make things worse. Their words or actions can be the cause of anxiety and stress and this can affect PE, explained SLAMS sexologists.

Pact of silence

‘If I ask him for oral copulation or to touch me, he’ll just get upset.’ A woman might have thoughts like this in a relationship impacted by PE, said the experts. The woman’s frustration builds because her sex life just doesn’t satisfy.

In this scenario, she might even start to worry that her guy isn’t attracted to her or that sleeping together no longer does it for him.

But instead of bringing up PE, she avoids the topic and hopes it will get better. He does too. Together, the couple forms a pact of silence, SLAMS presenters explained.

Soon intimacy gets replaced by excuses to avoid sex and instead of talking to each other the couple incorporates silence and blame. Their sex life and desire take a turn for the worse.

Erotic and emotional impact

When foreplay is cut short, women don’t get as aroused, probably won’t get wet and have little chance of reaching orgasm. Sexual problems like these are more common in women whose partner has PE, the SLAMS audience in Buenos Aires heard.

But not climaxing during sex is not the main issue. Most women don’t have orgasms during intercourse no matter how long it lasts, they pointed out. What really has an impact is that when a guy comes too soon, it brings intimacy or foreplay shuddering to a halt.

The guy, in turn, feels pressure, anxiety and frustration. Guilt and depression take over and confidence drops, said SLAMS presenters referring to a survey of over 1500 men with PE and their partners. PE has negative effects on both and this goes beyond sex, they concluded.

Treatment together

‘Stop-start’ approaches, trying to focus on something else and other self-help treatments to make sex last longer can actually make things worse.

Not focusing on arousal means it’s harder for a guy to control how fast he comes. And it can be less than enjoyable for the woman, since intimacy and her sexual satisfaction suffer.

Women are just as important to the solution as they are to the problem, SLAMS experts agreed. The PE treatment that works best depends on the couple. But therapies that involve both the guy and his partner are most likely to succeed.


Have you or your partner experienced premature ejaculation? How did you deal with it? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook.

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Recent Comments (115)

  1. so what exactly do you need 2
    so what exactly do you need 2 do inorder 2 erect again as fast as possible?

    1. Hi Steve,

      Hi Steve,
      the only thing you need is time. That’s the only thing that helps. And the older you get, the more time you will need in between two erections.
      Generally, we suggest you make the first time count- quality is better than quantity.

  2. So after how long is it
    So after how long is it normal for one to cum during sex

    1. Hi Winstone,

      Hi Winstone,
      anytime after a few minutes. There is no hard rule and it will also be different from time to time.

  3. WHIKE HAVING SEX TRY TO
    WHIKE HAVING SEX TRY TO FORCUS ON OTHER EVENTS NOT ENTIRELY ON THE PLESSURE.THIS HELPS TO PREVENT FAST EJACULATION THUS SATISFACTION 2 UR WOMAN.

    1. Thanks for sharing your
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts, Frank!

  4. Does frequent masterbation
    Does frequent masterbation cause PE or does it have any negative effect on a man and his partners sex life?

      1. You are wrong Love Matters..
        You are wrong Love Matters.. Negative effects of masturbation is taken as a myth but its real. I don’t want to recall the memories of me loosing 2 girl friends because of PE…This was attributed to Masturbation which I had done for 4 years.I started experiencing Night Falls. My Penis Shrunk every time I Puffed in No minute and could not feel the desire any more. I lost self esteem. I could not erect for sex..since my mind was tuned to masturbation. I had to go through a series of rehab and medication to heal. Thank God I fought hard to Recover from it.

        1. Hi Paul please are you free…
          Hi Paul please are you free to share your experience with me?

        2. Hi Paul , please are you…
          Hi Paul , please are you free to share your experience with me.

          1. Yes Paul, we are a safe…

            Yes Paul, we are a safe space and look forward to what you have to say 🙂

             

  5. as a man what can u do to
    as a man what can u do to last longer than 2min?

    1. Hi Dan,

      Hi Dan,
      It sounds like you are coming earlier than you would like, this often happens to young men who don’t have a lot of sexual experience because they get very aroused very easily. With more sexually experienced men, it might be due to psychological problems, like fear, stress or depression.
      Generally though go slow, enjoy the buildup of touching and caressing each other. Make time for oral sex during your physical interactions. Take time focusing on your partner as well as yourself. Communicate together about what feels nice, what doesn’t and what you would like to try together. Experiment, explore and try new things!
      Make sure to use lots of lube and switch up the fun. Even if you do orgasm you can take some time to have oral sex with your partner until your body is ready to go again. Change positions and mix it up.
      Some people say condoms help them last longer, while others may use cock rings (just make sure it is the right size and not too tight!).
      Generally just remember that sex is more than just penetration and there are lots of ways to enjoy each other.
      If you are finding that you really cannot maintain an erection then it might be time to see a doctor. There are some medical conditions that can affect your performance but would need to be looked by a professional.
      You can also keep masturbating, however challenge yourself to last longer. Go slow, feel the way your body changes when you are getting closer to climax. Tease yourself, find tricks that help you delay the finish

  6. Am about 2 marry yet i’ve a
    Am about 2 marry yet i’ve a serious problem of P.E.Just holding tight makes me releases!What do i do 2 correct this b4 i enter into marriage life?

    1. Hi Godfrey,

      Hi Godfrey,
      It sounds like you are coming earlier than you would like, this often happens to young men who don’t have a lot of sexual experience because they get very aroused very easily. With more sexually experienced men, it might be due to psychological problems, like fear, stress or depression.
      Generally though go slow, enjoy the buildup of touching and caressing each other. Make time for oral sex during your physical interactions. Take time focusing on your partner as well as yourself. Communicate together about what feels nice, what doesn’t and what you would like to try together. Experiment, explore and try new things!
      Make sure to use lots of lube and switch up the fun. Even if you do orgasm you can take some time to have oral sex with your partner until your body is ready to go again. Change positions and mix it up.
      Some people say condoms help them last longer, while others may use cock rings (just make sure it is the right size and not too tight!).
      Generally just remember that sex is more than just penetration and there are lots of ways to enjoy each other.
      If you are finding that you really cannot maintain an erection then it might be time to see a doctor. There are some medical conditions that can affect your performance but would need to be looked by a professional.
      You can also keep masturbating, however challenge yourself to last longer. Go slow, feel the way your body changes when you are getting closer to climax. Tease yourself, find tricks that help you delay the finish

    1. Hi George,

      Hi George,
      anything after a few minutes is fine really- there is no hard rule.

  7. what about these drugs like
    what about these drugs like viagra can they help in such cases?

  8. Condoms affect my erection.
    Condoms affect my erection. And my dick can’t erect long as my patner wants

    1. Hi Vicky,

      Hi Vicky,
      try masturbating with a condom on. Sometimes, it takes some used to having sex with a condom, so that’s a good way to practice. Also, try different brands and sizes- some might be better for you than others.

  9. pls tell me abt oral sex..
    pls tell me abt oral sex..

  10. To produce a smell after
    To produce a smell after intercourse is it a infection disease?

    1. Hi Suzy,

      Hi Suzy,
      sex is smelly, and sex is messy. And so a bit of a smell is totally normal after sex. If it’s a very strong, bad smell, then it could indeed be a sign of an infection though.

  11. Is it healthy n normal to
    Is it healthy n normal to produce a smell after intercourse?

  12. Does masturbation has health
    Does masturbation has health impacts?

  13. jst explaine (PE) infull
    jst explaine (PE) infull

    1. Hi Hillash,

      Hi Hillash,
      premature ejaculation means that you come (orgasm) and ejaculate much earlier than you intend to.

  14. what can I do to stay longer
    what can I do to stay longer in sex so that I do not experience PE

    1. Komen, It sounds like you are
      Komen, It sounds like you are coming earlier than you would like, this often happens to young men who don’t have a lot of sexual experience because they get very aroused very easily. With more sexually experienced men, it might be due to psychological problems, like fear, stress or depression.
      Generally though go slow, enjoy the buildup of touching and caressing each other. Make time for oral sex during your physical interactions. Take time focusing on your partner as well as yourself. Communicate together about what feels nice, what doesn’t and what you would like to try together. Experiment, explore and try new things!
      Make sure to use lots of lube and switch up the fun. Even if you do orgasm you can take some time to have oral sex with your partner until your body is ready to go again. Change positions and mix it up.
      Some people say condoms help them last longer, while others may use cock rings (just make sure it is the right size and not too tight!).
      Generally just remember that sex is more than just penetration and there are lots of ways to enjoy each other.
      If you are finding that you really cannot maintain an erection then it might be time to see a doctor. There are some medical conditions that can affect your performance but would need to be looked by a professional.
      You can also keep masturbating, however challenge yourself to last longer. Go slow, feel the way your body changes when you are getting closer to climax. Tease yourself, find tricks that help you delay the finish

  15. please I masturbet before but
    please I masturbet before but since I discover that as a through child of God it is illegal to attend in such habit because it has destroyed so many people and so many families,so am disagree with the masturbeting process.thank for your shows online

    1. Thanks for your comment.

      Thanks for your comment.
      We believe masturbation is a normal part of a healthy sex life, but of course it’s up to you to decide whether or not you want to do it.

  16. Always enducative keep up the
    Always enducative keep up the good work.
    Thanku

  17. I usually reach orgasm
    I usually reach orgasm earlier than my guy. After that i feel alot of pain as i accomodate him to reach there too. What can i do so that we can reach orgasm almost at the same. My man can take 1hr before he comes.

    1. Ruthy,

      Ruthy,
      Try lots of foreplay, maybe including oral, so he is very aroused by the time you start intercourse.
      Also, try different positions, maybe one where he is less active would be good?
      For you, you can try to use extra lube, which might decrease the pain. But then, if it’s painful, you should actually stop…

  18. My girl alway complain that I
    My girl alway complain that I have a big dick and I make her feel pain but I have a small dick. What could be the problem?

    1. Mark,

      Mark,
      She is probably not aroused and wet enough. Try to get her very aroused before penetration, and use extra lube.

  19. I hav this gal. She texed me
    I hav this gal. She texed me tht I was gud 4 her. We talked n became lovers. I dated her n she came. I did the game but come after 3 minutes. Since then, she has stopped communicating n dsn’t respond when I try to reach her. She is a high class girl n I still luv her. Wht might b da problem???

    1. Roy,

      Roy,
      We don’t know what the problem is, sorry.
      Try to reach out to her in different ways, and see if she can give you some answers.

  20. Hı ıve been marrıed wıth hm 4
    Hı ıve been marrıed wıth hm 4.7yrs nw he waz ok whn we meet untıl he starts doın drugs ıt has been a stressfull moments for me we trıed help hm out nw he stops doın these naughty stuff bt nw ın bed hs faılıng me he comes early and sometımes he doent pıtch up ın bed hell watch tv tıll mornıng then whn we wake up he sleeps ım loosıng ıt nw help

    1. Ndazo,

      Ndazo,
      Living with someone who is addicted is very difficult. You cannot deal with it alone, please get help from family and friends, ideally even professionals.

  21. my relationship with a PE
    my relationship with a PE victim wasn’t an easy one…being a medic,my guy often felt intimidated every time we talked about his problem… every time he felt frustrated i cud tell him i understand… to cut the story short, PE is not an easy thing to deal with,especially for us women who really love sex…but am grateful that i talked him into accepting his problem and started the long journey to the solution… a year down the line we got married and now we have a cute 2months old set of twin girls….ladies,if u have such a man,always be patient and watch your attitudes towards him…its not an easy thing to deal with…

    1. Thank you so much for sharing
      Thank you so much for sharing your story, Delliah!

  22. I get very very wet before
    I get very very wet before sex. and my boyfriend s dick is small when we have sex I don’t feel anything imean I don’t feel the penis. I just pretend everything is fine. but honestly I get angry I only pretend coz I luv him wat should I do

    1. Sandra,

      Sandra,
      One thing you can do if flex and relax your pelvic floor muscles when you have sex, and try different positions to see if some make you feel him more than others.
      Also, most women don’t have orgasms from intercourse, but from simulation of their clitoris. Maybe you can ask him to include lots of clitoral play in your foreplay?

    2. sandra contact mi zero
      sandra contact mi zero 0729360401

  23. what can i do since i don’t
    what can i do since i don’t know how to penetrate in my girls vigina

    1. Vicky,

      Vicky,
      When your penis is hard, and she is wet, take the head of your penis in your hands, and guide it into the vagina. It might be helpful if you gently spread the labia with your other hand.

  24. which kind of foods improve
    which kind of foods improve lipido or sexual desire?and which kind of foods make one last longer?

    1. Check this out, Robby

      Check this out, Robby
      lovematters.co.ke/news/aphrodisiacs-top-five-facts

  25. After how long a gal get
    After how long a gal get satisfied

    1. It really differs from woman
      It really differs from woman to woman, but on average about 20 minutes.
      Note that intercourse doesn’t make most women orgasm- clitoral stimulation does.

  26. Is there any diety i can take
    Is there any diety i can take to keep erection strong ang longer instead of using viagra?

    1. Hi Nathan,

      Hi Nathan,
      Let me ask you first, why do you think your erection needs strengthening?

  27. What causes premature
    What causes premature ejaculation I also undergo the same problem and what is the cure of premature ejaculation?Please help.

  28. wen i play sex my first shot
    wen i play sex my first shot comes even be4 2min its normal?

    1. That could be considered a
      That could be considered a premature ejaculation.

  29. the second shot always takes
    the second shot always takes long, right?

    1. Elly,

      Elly,
      The second shot will generally take longer than the first one, yes.

  30. How can one increase his
    How can one increase his sperm production?

    1. asad,

      asad,
      Why do you think your sperm production needs increasing?

  31. What about when a man got
    What about when a man got tired of sex too soo. i.e cant sex for 5mins.

    1. Does this happen all the time
      Does this happen all the time?

  32. How can i know my girl has
    How can i know my girl has reached an orgasm? I feel asking her i will only get an obvious answer which is ment to encorage me. I also think she pretend during the intercouse when i try to observe her.

    1. Martin,

      Martin,
      other than observing her and her body language, feeling for vaginal contractions and, yes, asking her, there isn’t much more you can do.

  33. Does miraa affect erection?
    Does miraa affect erection?

    1. Yes, it can. Have you been
      Yes, it can. Have you been having issues?

  34. I have mustarbated for 13
    I have mustarbated for 13 years can it affect my sexual life

    1. Jack,

      Jack,
      masturbation is a normal part of a healthy sex life. How often do you masturbate? Are you having sex, too?

  35. Hi really im aguy aged 23
    Hi really im aguy aged 23 medium height and size .

    But i have aproblem when i have sex with my agemate they request me to stop before im done majory second round sincerely i can run for 2hours second round but i really stop before being satistified and from that period im interested in big ,older ladies than me but im wondering how to start them coz i expect themto think nothing i can do…. Due to my size….I wish to know weather i have any problem to solve…ADVICE MY contact:+256-0784924245 or 0751360366 uganda

    1. There is no problem with
      There is no problem with being interested in a particular type of woman.

  36. hi! wen am with my girlfriend
    hi! wen am with my girlfriend i tend to cum abit fast in like 5mins bt after a few glasses of wine all tht changed, is it normal or wil tht hv side effects in future

  37. can masturbation makes u loss
    can masturbation makes u loss weight?

    1. No. Masturbation is a normal
      No. Masturbation is a normal part of a healthy sex life and there is no difference between sex and masturbation in terms of side effects.

  38. My first sort embarrasses me
    My first sort embarrasses me by coming faster(less than 2 min.) but second and third are just ok, should i be having a problem?

  39. I love sex but am a victim
    I love sex but am a victim with thz PE, i can’t stay for 2 minutes for tha first shot….Her too after am off, always she doesn’t want to hve it again (2nd shot) thats after hve fully relaxed…. what should i do to stay longer in doing it??

  40. what is the minimum time
    what is the minimum time before ejaculating for most men..?

  41. For long now I experience. Am
    For long now I experience. Am small and fat down but when try sex a gal must complain seriously. I take tym in feling en touching but don’t know y it must happen.

    1. Kelvin,

      Kelvin,
      what is she complaining about?

  42. I ve culd problem of PE what
    I ve culd problem of PE what should l do please help Am male 23

  43. Hey guys!l ve could problem
    Hey guys!l ve could problem of PE wht should l do please help Am male 23.

  44. Hi do duration that you take
    Hi do duration that you take before sex can affect ejaculation.

    1. You mean foreplay? Sure, the
      You mean foreplay? Sure, the more aroused you are, the sooner you ejaculate.

  45. I at times find it hard to
    I at times find it hard to erect after the first round.At times it’s very ok and happens fast.I believe am equally strong as the erection can go for upto 17minutes before I come.What could be the cause of making me fail to pick up my erection sometimes after the first round of sex?

    1. This is completely normal for
      This is completely normal for men to have what is called a refractory period, where it cannot get hard after ejaculation. Honestly, your body is just telling you that it needs some time. There is no real way to change it or make it happen less, so just try to work with your body. If you are really hoping to have more sex, then take the time to recharge and focus on your partner. This is a good time to focus on them and give them pleasure. You will become hard again in no time and continue.

  46. My best style is doggy bt
    My best style is doggy bt whenever I go it, my pussy produces some noise and I hate that. What is wrong with me and how can I avoid it

    1. Rita,

      Rita,
      there is absolutely nothing wrong with you. Because of the angle, alongside the penis, air will enter you, and that air needs to come out. And that’s when it sounds like you are farting. Don’t worry about it, have a laugh!

  47. what if u no matter how ur
    what if u no matter how ur swim u cant ejaculate for secobd round?is it normal?

    1. It is completely normal for
      It is completely normal for men to have what is called a refractory period, where it cannot get hard after ejaculation. Honestly, your body is just telling you that it needs some time. There is no real way to change it or make it happen less, so just try to work with your body. If you are really hoping to have more sex, then take the time to recharge and focus on your partner. This is a good time to focus on them and give them pleasure. You will become hard again in no time and continue.

  48. Lately my woman has been
    Lately my woman has been complaining of feeling pain whenever we start having sex, and this really puts me off.Could she be avoiding me?

    1. Johny,

      Johny,
      have you asked her what’s causing the pain? Pain is very common and should not be ignored.

  49. I Thank Lord for creating you
    I Thank Lord for creating you Mr.Love matters.

    1. We are not a Mr., but you are
      We are not a Mr., but you are very welcome 🙂

  50. when am with couple, only by
    when am with couple, only by looking at her my penis start to erect without even touching her an by time i enter her i realease faster. is it norma?

    1. Dougy,

      Dougy,
      That’s quite common, especially if you don’t have a lot of sexual experience.

  51. This happen to my…
    This happen to my girldlfriend and after that we can’t do anything she will not let me even touch her.

    1. Hi, this means that your…

      Hi, this means that your partner get sexually excited too soon. It helps to take short breaks during sex including deep breaths. Communicating during sex will also help to know when to slow down and take the  breaks. This will help delay ejaculation. Sex is better when partners talk about it, find a good time and talk about this. Lastly, immediately after ejaculation the clitoris is very sensitive to touch which may make sex at this time uncomfortable for your partner. It may help to give it a couple of minutes before resuming sex. https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

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