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Alphonce Omondi

Arousal after female genital mutilation

My girl has been through FGM. I’m the one who broke her virginity. How can I stimulate her to orgasm since she has no clitoris and I do not want to lose her?

There’s still a clitoris

Thank you so much for your question and the opportunity to discuss something that bothers many couples with a woman who has undergone female genital mutilation (FGM, or as its also known: female genital cutting). First of all, your girlfriend has a clitoris.

It’s a common misconception that the clitoris is the tiny button that you can see at the junction of the inner lips of a woman’s vulva. The truth is that that is simply the tip.

Much more to it than just the tip

The clitoris stretches back into a woman’s pelvis for about an inch, at which point it splits into 3 strands that extend another 4 inches. Much like a man’s penis, it is made of erectile tissue so that it fills with blood when a woman is aroused. You may not have the tip to play with but after 20 minutes of attentive foreplay, you will have your woman aroused and her clitoris engorged. There are so many sensitive spots on a woman’s body – ears, neck, nipples, inner thighs, the back of her knees, feet. So start a journey with your hands, lips and tongue and prepare to be amazed.

Best positions

Once you are done with foreplay, try these positions, they work wonders for women:

  1. Woman on top – this allows your partner to determine the pace, depth, and intensity of the proceedings.
     
  2. Spooning – this entails you both lying on your side (like two spoons) with you behind her. This lazy potion allows for a slow burn to orgasm.
     
  3. Doggy style with pillows underneath her – depending on the size of your machinery and how fast and hard you want to go. Doggy style can be painful when your penis rams on your partner’s cervix. Placing pillows underneath her and having her lie on them will tilt her vagina so you can’t reach her cervix so easily. Also if she keeps her legs closed, her vagina will be tighter and you will both enjoy the extra friction. You can also lay on top of her and whisper all kinds of naughty things in her ears.


Do you have any tips for making love with a woman who has undergone female genital cutting? Leave a comment below or join the discussion on Facebook where you can find us at Love Matters Naija and Kenya.

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Recent Comments (130)

  1. Thanks l too learnt something
    Thanks l too learnt something

  2. thanks guys,,av learnt @lst
    thanks guys,,av learnt @lst smthn,.big up

    1. We are so glad to hear this,
      We are so glad to hear this, Arismendie.

  3. thankx @tlxt av lern altle cz
    thankx @tlxt av lern altle cz my x leavd me ju cna

    1. Thanks for your comment, Mary
      Thanks for your comment, Mary.

    1. We are so glad to hear that,
      We are so glad to hear that, Kevo!

  4. Ur truly educating us thanxs
    Ur truly educating us thanxs

    1. You are most welcome, Susan!
      You are most welcome, Susan!

  5. i’ve now learned hw to arouse
    i’ve now learned hw to arouse a lady who had gone FGM n to play safer sex

    1. Hi Patroba,

      Hi Patroba,
      we are glad to hear that our article was useful to you!

  6. Hve been passng such problm
    Hve been passng such problm wth mae partner,who undergon(FGM) Now hve gained exprnce.thnk u

    1. We are so glad that we were
      We are so glad that we were able to help you with this!

  7. i’v learnt alot
    tnx guys

    i’v learnt alot
    tnx guys

    1. You are most welcome, Maame!
      You are most welcome, Maame!

    1. We are very glad to hear that
      We are very glad to hear that, Leni.

  8. Tnxs now i know something
    Tnxs now i know something

    1. We are glad to hear that you
      We are glad to hear that you learned something, Tonny!

  9. wat of dick size…its a
    wat of dick size…its a bother 2 ma galfred…its smal

    1. Hi Pterry,

      Hi Pterry,
      it’s a great myth that penis size matters. You will be able to satisfy your girlfriend, even with a small penis. What’s much more important is that you know what she likes and wants. Make sure to know where to find the clitoris, and how to get her excited by stroking it. Don’t be insecure about your penis size- it’s skill and connection that matter much more!

  10. nice wen ta lady lie on her
    nice wen ta lady lie on her stomach so tat u can enter her frm behind its cal tsavengi style its amasing rocking her g spot diret

    1. Hi Matelong,

      Hi Matelong,
      absolutely! Thanks for sharing!

  11. I

    I
    passed through the same but it was out of ignorance,,,wont let my
    daugthers or even advice whover who wants to do that do it.no regret
    going thru that but i av learnt alot frm your article n vn others.thnks

    1. Hi Bernadette,

      Hi Bernadette,
      thank you so much for sharing your insights, and for making sure your daughter won’t have to face the same difficulties you are experiencing. All the best!

  12. Glad to hear frm u and let us
    Glad to hear frm u and let us share this; What brings about the bending of the penis?

    1. Hi Peter,

      Hi Peter,
      it’s perfectly normal that a penis is bend to the right or left, it doesn’t have to be straight. Nothing wrong with that at all, don’t worry!

    1. We are glad you like it, Paul
      We are glad you like it, Paul!

  13. Hey… thnks for your article
    Hey… thnks for your article but the position with her legs closed makes one cum fast wen shes not even satisfied

    1. Hi Dan,

      Hi Dan,
      that’s okay. Just make sure that she comes before you then, by pleasuring her during foreplay. Or, you could start with a different position and use this one towards the end. Does this help?

  14. I did all unknowingly today I
    I did all unknowingly today I realize why that woman still loves me even though I’m married & she is married too

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      I would say great that you have done so unknowingly; not so great that both of you are married- unless it is to each other!

    1. Hi Wycliffe,

      Hi Wycliffe,
      arousal is indeed very good! And necessary!

  15. bingo 2 u guys.i av learned
    bingo 2 u guys.i av learned alot since i liked ua page.

    1. We are so glad to hear that,
      We are so glad to hear that, Frank!
      Please keep coming back and spread the word about us!

    1. You are most welcome!
      You are most welcome!

  16. wow.thanks for the lesson
    wow.thanks for the lesson

    1. We are always glad when our
      We are always glad when our articles are useful to our users, thanks William!

  17. Thank u very much i’have
    Thank u very much i’have learnt a lot & a’m very greatful

    1. Hi Acidri, we are so glad to
      Hi Acidri, we are so glad to hear that! Keep coming back, we always have new interesting articles!

  18. I hav a partner who realy luv
    I hav a partner who realy luv me bt i have no heart 4 her though she’s reali serious on me.what can i do.

    1. Hi Gillie,

      Hi Gillie,
      You need to make up your mind. Do you want her or not? If not, then stop playing with her feelings. Don’t hurt her, but be honest. Just imagine what you would want if you were in her situation- you wouldn’t want someone to play with your feelings.

  19. What s te reason why some
    What s te reason why some ladies hate you after havng sex with her?

    1. Hi Gillie,

      Hi Gillie,
      can you explain a bit more what’s happening?

  20. i wil try tday those position
    i wil try tday those position

    1. Let us know how it goes, Dot!
      Let us know how it goes, Dot! Good luck!

  21. I learm a lot thnx guy great
    I learm a lot thnx guy great job

    1. We are glad to hear that,
      We are glad to hear that, Pertunia!

  22. Hi love matters, am so glad
    Hi love matters, am so glad being with your page ‘cos t’s really educative. But how can we get a copy your articles. Tnx

    1. Hi Falalu,

      Hi Falalu,
      you can print them, or email them to yourself. Does that help?

  23. As long as the fellatio of
    As long as the fellatio of the guy’s shaft is existent, arousal is guaranteed, FGM notwithstanding.

  24. As long as the fellatio of
    As long as the fellatio of the guy’s shaft is existent, arousal is guaranteed, FGM notwithstanding.

    1. Sorry Leslie, what does
      Sorry Leslie, what does fellatio and the shaft have to do with FGM?

  25. have learned alot since I
    have learned alot since I read ua article.keep it up

    1. We will, and do our best!
      We will, and do our best!

    1. Hi Juma,

      Hi Juma,
      We are glad to hear that!

    1. You are most welcome, Rotich.
      You are most welcome, Rotich.

  26. I don’t enjoy sex at all, n I
    I don’t enjoy sex at all, n I wouldn’t know what d problem is, can you pls tell me what to do?

  27. I don’t enjoy sex at all, n I
    I don’t enjoy sex at all, n I wouldn’t know what d problem is, can you pls tell me what to do?

    1. Before we answer, can we ask
      Before we answer, can we ask you if you are a man or a woman?

    1. We are glad to hear you like
      We are glad to hear you like it, Paul!

  28. Legs closed is the key and
    Legs closed is the key and make sure shes wet before you penetrate with fgm its abit sensitive and might put her off completely.

    1. Hi Mishy,

      Hi Mishy,
      thanks for sharing your insights.

  29. is there anything like sex
    is there anything like sex addict coz i fill like i more over doing it, even my woman is complaining n when he do so i start admaring other women. plez what could be the matter?

    1. Hi there,

      Hi there,
      yes, there is such a thing as sex addiction, but it doesn’t happen all that often.
      It’s quite normal for young men to be ever-ready for sex, and always wanting it. Have you considered masturbating when your partner doesn’t want to have sex? Then you don’t have to look at other women, but you will get satisfied.

  30. thanx for your educative
    thanx for your educative article av gained alot

    1. That’s great, thanks Kelvin!
      That’s great, thanks Kelvin!

  31. whenever we use condom during
    whenever we use condom during the game, it gets dry quite faster n my partner has to keep on changing. why is this so?

    1. Hi Luis,

      Hi Luis,
      have you tried using extra lubrication? You can buy it at most supermarkets, and will stop you from having to change condoms all the time.
      Use a bit in the tip and on the outside.

  32. It takes me long to ejaculate
    It takes me long to ejaculate.Any problem wth tht n is there anything i can do?

    1. Hi Steph,

      Hi Steph,
      are you using condoms? If you do, it might be a good idea to switch to a thin, or latex-free one, as they let you have more sensation.
      Other than that, have more foreplay. The more aroused you are when you start having intercourse, the faster you will be able to ejaculate.

  33. amazing thi is what we want
    amazing thi is what we want on fb we learn mo thanks alot.

    1. That’s great to hear, thanks!
      That’s great to hear, thanks!

  34. my girl passed the way you
    my girl passed the way you have state you educate so look for me one pliz

    1. Thanks for your comment,
      Thanks for your comment, Steve!

  35. Hv learnt alot thx for
    Hv learnt alot thx for educating pple

    1. You are most welcome!
      You are most welcome!

  36. wow that’s cool. Iam one of
    wow that’s cool. Iam one of those who never believed that an FGM lady could be sexually aroused. thanks for the advice!!

    1. You are welcome, Bob.
      You are welcome, Bob.

  37. a guod lesson u helping us av
    a guod lesson u helping us av something now

  38. Thenx bt plez what is to
    Thenx bt plez what is to masturbating?

  39. i went thro fgm….theere is
    i went thro fgm….theere is no day av neva enjoyed making love.frm experience….its alws fun

    1. That’s fantastic, thanks for
      That’s fantastic, thanks for sharing!

  40. The sensitive part that
    The sensitive part that orgasms is the tip of the clitoris. And that is what is removed during the cut. My girlfriend underwent the cut. I hate the fact that its never fun having sex coz she can’t feel it. Though I love I don’t think am planning to let her go. That keeps us together. But a 20 minute foreplay for sure I can’t stand it. Maybe ten minutes

    1. Why can’t you stand 20
      Why can’t you stand 20 minutes of foreplay?
      And it’s not like she can’t feel anything. There is still lots of arousable tissue left- you just have to figure out how to get there.
      One small correction though- there are four different types of FGC, and some of them are much more drastic than a cut clitoris.

  41. am cut av tried those
    am cut av tried those position ad i was aroused,my bedings was wet am glad.where does this water come from?

  42. #This is what I have been
    #This is what I have been waiting guyz
    Thanx alot**.

    1. You are welcome, Kelvin.
      You are welcome, Kelvin.

  43. nowadays ma sex life is so
    nowadays ma sex life is so boring and i dnt k
    nw wat 2 do.pls help

    1. Hi H-rico,

      Hi H-rico,
      well, if it’s boring, you need to change things. Talk to your partner- what do you want, what are you missing? What have you always wanted to do?
      Sex is about communication as much as it is about intercourse. And you need to start talking if you want to change things.

  44. Thanx uv taught mi a lot
    Thanx uv taught mi a lot.kudos

    1. We are glad to hear that,
      We are glad to hear that, Angel!

  45. it all sounds interesting,
    it all sounds interesting, but what of folding the girl as in laying on top her as usual while using your 2hands to fold her knee’s towards her heads there by raising her ass up then stroocking her direct, it enhance dipper penetration

    1. Hi Bishop,

      Hi Bishop,
      yes, it does. All okay with that!

  46. i rly luv thz page,t has
    i rly luv thz page,t has taught m alot,..Thnx alot guyz.

  47. Am happy that i have learnt
    Am happy that i have learnt somethng new.

    1. That’s great to hear, Sam!
      That’s great to hear, Sam!

  48. Wow! Eti nyuma ya magoti pia?
    Wow! Eti nyuma ya magoti pia? Ndio najua saa hii imagin. Great stuff!

  49. Thanx alot iv learnt alot in
    Thanx alot iv learnt alot in yo page…
    en wich is the best way tu hav safe sex with yo partner bila kumpea ball….

    1. Hi Kelvin,

      Hi Kelvin,
      you have to try different things. People are all different, and you and your partner need to figure out what will work best for you!

  50. l like it…but some ladies
    l like it…but some ladies take too long to cum…what should be done so that she cums first before me.

    1. Hi Phinalyn,

      Hi Phinalyn,
      ladies take longer to come than men, because they need their clitoris stimulated in order to orgasm, and that doesn’t happen with the in-and-out movement of intercourse. So stimulate the clitoris, and you can make her come before you.
      Here is some information on the clitoris: http://lovematters.co.ke/resource/vulva

  51. thanx for sharing thw article
    thanx for sharing thw article …i have learnt alot.but i have a question :to me sex is painful bt i have never enjoyed sex due to the pain in ma vagina …what could be the problem?

  52. Thanks to this column. So
    Thanks to this column. So educating

    1. You are most welcome, Snave!
      You are most welcome, Snave!

  53. some clitoris are cut off
    some clitoris are cut off completely and u cant find anything there

    1. Hi John,

      Hi John,
      it’s true, there are different kinds of cuts. But even if the external part of the clitoris is removed, the internal part will still be there. It is just a lot more difficult to arouse that internal part.

    1. That’s good to hear!
      That’s good to hear!

  54. Lovin au fellows problems are
    Lovin au fellows problems are getting solved….

    1. Glad to hear it’s appreciated
      Glad to hear it’s appreciated.

  55. Hi, I am also an FGM victim…
    Hi, I am also an FGM victim and I cant seem to find any pleasure while masturbating. Please help me, it just feels uncomfortable

    1. Hello Azia, thank you for…

      Hello Azia, thank you for reaching out to us and opening up. It can often be difficult for women who have been through FGM to think about having sex. You may be really worried that it will be painful because of the scar or that you may not have an orgasm if your clitoris has been removed. Women often choose to have a de-infibulation before they get married.  However, as many women have sex before getting married they may also choose to have the procedure at any time. Your health professional will not judge you and will respect your need for confidentiality.

      You may find that you have frequent vaginal discharge and though some discharge is normal for women it may mean you have an infection. You can talk this through at your GP’s or at a sexual health clinic.

      Many women who have had FGM do enjoy a happy and satisfying sex life and it is possible to have an orgasm even though your clitoris was removed. It could help you to talk to your partner about your feelings and anxieties. 

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