Anxious man chewing on his tie
Shutterstock

Too shy to get a girlfriend?

I am quite chatty but get tongue-tied in front of girls. I am clueless about how to start a conversation. Can you help?

Oh honey, it seems like you are just intimidated – perhaps by the female species. But it’s easy to try and change a few small things to help you.

Don’t underestimate yourself

First things first: don't over- or underestimate yourself. We think that we are very average and have nothing much to say or contribute. We start assuming that the girl we are interested in will not like us.
But hey, hold on for a minute mister! You are who you are. No one is custom-made for the other person, right?

Remember one thing: if your basic chemistry is right, then half the battle is won. Because we can fit people into our lives quite organically. Suppose you like aeronautics and she likes African poetry, it’s perfectly fine. Soon you will grow to love and admire each other’s passion and interest – you don’t have to understand them entirely!

Girls are not some aliens and neither do they like to be placed on a pedestal. Girls are just regular folk – same rules apply to them, too. What if the girl you want to talk to feels equally shy and tongue-tied and wants you to take the initiative? So, don’t underestimate yourself and take the first small step - go out and say hi!

Reject the fear

I know you are afraid of some things, the biggest ones being, 'I will be rejected’, ‘I am not good enough' or 'better not try'.
Fear of rejection is in our head honey – unless you try and put yourself out there, how will you know?

Rejection happens – so what? Life goes on.

We don’t generally marry the first person we ever meet, do we? That’s a rather myopic view of life. Go out. Meet, greet, accept, reject people as it is all a part of growing up and of knowing what works for you.  

Hygiene matters

If you are constantly judging yourself on how you look, the chances of you disappearing into the background when a girl arrives are very high. For the very same reasons we talked about – fear.  All the girls aren't really looking for George Clooney, you know. Just be a very clean, hygienic, and pleasantly smelling person. Looks don’t matter as much as your individual style.  

Please do pay attention to personal grooming because that can be a real put-off and definitely a turn-off.

Would you like to kiss someone who has a smelly mouth or terribly kept feet or half chewed-up nails with some leftover nail polish? No. Of coure now.

So why do men expect that they can have sweaty underarms, filthy feet, dirty nails and every girl must dig their 'manliness' in it? So not cool.

Slow and steady

Now finally, don’t be the random selector and hit on every girl you meet. So, focus on to the one or two girls you really like. Begin perhaps with some whatsapping or texting them by getting their numbers with consent.

Plan to meet and chat but – one girl at a time! Do not intimidate them by proposing a movie date for the first meeting. Go slow. Take her out for a casual walk in the park or coffee. Then, when she slowly starts trusting you and you both find each other interesting, ask her how she feels about going out with you for some more time.

Never take a pal along when you go out with a girl because it will be easy for you to hide behind the person. Put your best foot forward and go and make a place for yourself. I am telling you, once you are in the 'circulation’, you are going to be the next big Don of Love!  


Do you have any other tips to fight shyness? Leave a comment below or share your thoughts on https://www.facebook.com/lovemattersafricaFacebook.

Comments
Add new comment

Comment

  • Allowed HTML tags: <a href hreflang>