Woman's face with possibly limps of various partners
(C) Love Matters | Rita Lino

Sexual fantasies

Sexual fantasies are completely normal. Some of them may seem weird, but just because you fantasise about something doesn’t mean you have to do it.

Fantasies are normal

Most people have fantasies. Sexual fantasies are thoughts or pictures in your head that turn you on. They can be things that you think of yourself or based on memories of something you have seen, read or experienced – like a porn movie or a steamy night with someone. Fantasies don’t even have to be explicitly sexual – what arouses you is very personal. Some people are turned on when they think about tunnels because they remind them of vaginas. When it comes to fantasies, nothing is strange!

Because fantasies are something your imagination comes up with, they can be thoughts that would otherwise be seen as negative, strange, taboo, or even illegal in real life.
If you think your fantasy is particularly strange or out-of-the-ordinary: don’t worry, chances are, it’s not an uncommon fantasy at all.

Fantasies only become problematic when it involves acts on non-consenting persons. Doctors then call the fantasy ‘pathological’; whether it is acted upon or not.

As it can be difficult to talk about sex and sexual fantasies in real life, so some researchers think that fantasies are a way for ‘the brain to go wild’ – imagining things that are otherwise unspeakable in real-life. So even if you wouldn’t dare to ask your partner to try BDSM, you can live out your kinky fantasies in your head.

Fantasies don’t have to become reality

Almost everyone has sexual fantasies, but only few people act on them. It’s possible that even though you fantasise about something like a threesome, you really wouldn’t want to try it in real life.

That’s why you shouldn’t worry too much about your fantasies – if you are straight but you fantasise about having sex with someone of the same gender, it doesn’t mean you are homo- or bisexual. Or imagining having sex with someone other than your partner shouldn’t be seen as a desire to cheat. You shouldn’t feel ashamed or guilty about your fantasies; think of them as a way for your brain to safely explore unknown areas of sexuality with some curiosity.

All genders have sexual fantasies, but studies show that women seem less likely to want to act them out. Other than that, the fantasies are quite similar across the different genders.

Common fantasies

So what are some of the things that people fantasies about? Here’s a short list, but there are many, many more.

  • Oral sex
  • Threesomes
  • BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, masochism)  
  • Being watched or filmed
  • Watching other people
  • Being naked in public
  • Sex in public spaces
  • Sex with strangers
  • Group sex
  • Sex with someone who’s very large/small/tall/skinny/older etc.
  • Sex with someone of the same gender
  • Sex with celebrities  
  • Anal sex

Acting out your fantasies

It can be fun and arousing, to share some of your fantasies with your partner. And if you want to and they agree, you can even try to act out some of those images your brain came up with.

If you are shy about bringing it up, try casually mentioning it, for example by saying you have read about sex in public places. Gauge your partner’s reaction, and, if they are curious, ask them if that’s something the two of you can explore.

Role-play is a common way to act out fantasies. For example, if you dream about having sex with a stranger, your partner can pretend to be someone you don’t know. You can arrange to meet at a bar, and talk to each other like you’ve never met before. And then you can take them to a hotel room, or your place, and have a one-night-stand.

But don’t be disappointed if things don’t quite work out the way you imagined them; the brain is a powerful instrument and can sometimes make things look better than they actually are.

 

did you find this useful?

Tell us what you think

Recent Comments (90)

    1. What do you wish to join?
      What do you wish to join?

        1. Hey Ejibe, your question is…

          Hey Ejibe, your question is not clear. Rephrase so we can support you.

      1. Hi Monica, sex is an actiity…

        Hi Monica, sex is an actiity that brings lots of pleasue and joy, most of the world loves sex, don’t you?

         

      1. Hi Janet, 

        Why is it that…

        Hi Janet, 

        Why is it that you fear sex? Kindly share your experience, we are happy to help you overcome the fear. 

          1. We love sex too Joseph!

            We love sex too Joseph!

    1. My biggest fantasy in life is to have anal sex with a lady

  1. Wy is not plsy i want video…
    Wy is not plsy i want video. i want whoch now

    1. Hi Owino, We do not have…
      Hi Owino, We do not have videos to share with you. Love Matters provides honest information on Love, Sex, and Relationships. Feel free to ask any question and we shall respond to you.

  2. Yah it’s interesting info…
    Yah it’s interesting info thank you

    1. We appreciate the feedback…
      We appreciate the feedback Amos.

  3. Hey Nyabagresi, feel free to…
    Hey Nyabagresi, feel free to ask any question on Love, Sex, and Relationship.

  4. Hy u got how many
    Hy u got how many

    1. Hey Agaba, how many of what?
      Hey Agaba, how many of what?

      1. Hey Laurasia, welcome to…

        Hey Laurasia, welcome to Love Matters Africa.

  5. There are things I want to…
    There are things I want to. Try out with my partner but I don’t know how to introduce them during sex and I also don’t want to scare her or look crazy. How should go about this?

    1. Hey Vic, talking about sex…

      Hey Vic, talking about sex makes the experience better for both partners. Perhaps instead of trying to introduce new things during sex, you could try talking about these new things before starting sex. Try find a good time to hold this conversation so that it is not misinterpreted. Remember the intention is to improve the experience for you both. Check out the following article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  6. Is it tru that big women…
    Is it tru that big women have tighter vaginas and slender women have wide vaginas?

  7. I really want to have oral…
    I really want to have oral sex but my partner is too conservative to give or receive it what can I do to get him to more adventurers?

    1. Hey Jackie, you may want to…

      Hey Jackie, you may want to begin by finding out what exactly makes your partner not to like oral sex. It could be because he is conservative, a past negative experience or because of certain beliefs he may hold. Find a good time and talk about this. Remember, sex becomes better when partners talk about it. Check out this article for tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

      1. I really wanted to type a…
        I really wanted to type a quick word so as to thank you for all of the unique suggestions you are posting here. My prolonged internet investigation has finally been honored with reliable concept to exchange with my family and friends. I would point out that we readers are unequivocally endowed to exist in a good site with so many brilliant individuals with beneficial concepts. I feel quite privileged to have used your entire site and look forward to so many more fabulous moments reading here. Thanks a lot once again for a lot of things.

        1. Thank you Ralph, Keep…

          Thank you Ralph, Keep reading our articles. 

  8. If a man wants anal sex does…
    If a man wants anal sex does it me he is gay?

  9. which style is best to make…
    which style is best to make your partner satisfy?

  10. How can I have 5 shots in…
    How can I have 5 shots in one night. Can viagra help me?

    1. Hi Nick, after every…

      Hi Nick, after every ejaculation the penis cannot erect for sometime. There is no real to reduce the time it takes for one to get another erection, so one has to just work with their own body. How many shorts or how many times you have sex per time is really depended on your own body’s response. It’s important not to stress out about whether or not you will be ready for the next shot but rather focus on enjoying every moment and making the best out every moment. You may not need Viagra unless a health care professional prescribes it to address a specific problem.

      Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/quantity-vs-quality-what-matters-when-it-comes-to-sex

  11. My sex fantasy is to have an…
    My sex fantasy is to have an orgasm. I have never had one, is it my problem or it my boyfriend?

    1. Hey, it is important to know…

      Hey, it is important to know what will get you to orgasm and then communicate this to your partner. The bigger issue then is do you know what can get you to orgasm and have you talked about this with your partner? Sex is better with communication. Communication needs to not only happen before sex, but also during and after sex. Have a look at the following articles for additional information;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/orgasms/her-orgasms

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

       

  12. I love sex in the early…
    I love sex in the early morning but my girlfriend does not like it. How can I makeher love it ndio we enjoy together?

  13. when i do sex with my…
    when i do sex with my partner uwa nafl uchungu more expecially kama nimekaa 4 alng tym sijafanya

    1. Hey Anne, sorry about this…

      Hey Anne, sorry about this. Sex should be pleasurable and not painful. Not having sex for a long time doesn’t lead to pain, pain is caused by either of the following reasons. It could be caused by having dry sex where penetration takes place before the vagina is moist or has self lubricated, the presence of an infection in the vagina can cause pain. Also, if one is not relaxed, which also means that vagina muscles are not relaxed, this will lead to painful intercourse, anxiety that sex will cause pain can cause one not to relax. Getting to know what is causing the pain is the first step toward addressing the issue. Check out the following article;-  https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/sex-problems-how-to-overcome-them/sex-hurts-help

  14. I feel our sex life with my…
    I feel our sex life with my partner has deteriorated very much and it now flat and boring. I know we need to do things to spice up the sex but I don’t know how to introduce new things. I feel the man should drive this or else I maybe labelled a slut?

    1. Hey there, the sex…

      Hey there, the sex conversation can be a difficult one to bring up with your partner but it is one you need to have consistently. When there is no communication about sex, it ends up becoming a boring routine. This communication can take place before, during and even after sex. Anyone of the partners can initiate this conversation since both partners need to participate to make it a great experience for both. Start by getting a good time for this conversation and also try not to blame but rather together explore ways to make the experience better for you both. Get to know what your partner likes and also share with them what you like. Check out this article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  15. There are things I want to…
    There are things I want to try but my girlfriend is very shy she doesn’t like to talk about sex. When I start the story she shys away. I wonder what I can do make her open up?

    1. Hey Dan, this is normal…

      Hey Dan, this is normal especially when you are still in the early stages of the relationship. If she is shy when you are talking face to face, you could trying talking on the phone which maybe easier. However, with time and as you get to know each other you will become more comfortable with each other. Also, try and make a game out of it, it is okay to laugh about it. Check out the following article for additional tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  16. I want to know many sex…
    I want to know many sex styles and tell me which is best for a girl to enjoy?

    1. Hey Dona, everyone is…

      Hey Dona, everyone is different which also means they enjoy different things and different styles. You and your partner may have to try different styles until you find what you both like. Be patient with each and communicate during sex. Also, talk with your partner to get to know what they like. Have a look at the following article for more information;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

    1. Hey Immaculate, BDSM …

      Hey Immaculate, BDSM (bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, masochism), is a variety of often erotic practices or roleplaying involving bondage or being tied, discipline, dominance  by a partner and submission to a partner among other activities practiced by sexual partners. 

  17. My boyfriend keeps…
    My boyfriend keeps fantasizing about anal sex and he keeps saying we should try it. My concern is that is he gay? Anal say as far as I know is for those homosexuals

    1. Hey Mary, a man and a woman…

      Hey Mary, a man and a woman can also enjoy anal sex if they choose to. Remember, the decision to either have anal sex with your boyfriend or not is entirely yours. Take sometime and learn as much as you can before you choose to have it. Talk with your partner, let him know your concerns and then agree on how to proceed. Check out the following articles for more information;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/anal-sex-top-five-facts

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/guide-to-first-time-anal-sex

  18. Tell me good sex styles we…
    Tell me good sex styles we can enjoy with my girlfriend?

    1. Hi Tyson, different people…

      Hi Tyson, different people enjoy different things or in this case different positions. It may help to talk with your partner about what they like and then try out different things to see what you both enjoy. Have a look at the following articles for additional information and tips;- 

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/trying-new-sex-positions-dos-and-donts

      https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/five-kamasutra-positions-to-spice-up-your-sex-life

       

      1. I am also writing to make…
        I am also writing to make you understand what a fabulous discovery my wife’s girl gained viewing your site. She even learned some issues, not to mention what it is like to possess an ideal giving mood to make the others with no trouble completely grasp several extremely tough subject areas. You really surpassed our own expected results. Many thanks for churning out such great, trusted, educational and even unique tips on the topic to Emily.
        vans shoes http://www.vans-outlet.us.com

  19. I want to act out some…
    I want to act out some fantasies but my partner is very traditional I don’t think he will agree. I also don’t want to scare him but I don’t want to do it with someone else?

  20. I am outdoors person and so…
    I am outdoors person and so I fantasize about the day I will camp out with my gal and have sex out there in the wild. But she wont leave the comfort of a bed or the comfort of a hotel room. I love her still…

    1. Wow, well Jimmy you can talk…

      Wow, well Jimmy you can talk with your partner and agree on a compromise that give both you what you would like to experience. How about a a luxury tent in the world…

  21. My all time fantasy is anal…
    My all time fantasy is anal sex.I wish I can get a lady here to do it with.

    1. Thank you for sharing Kylie,…

      Thank you for sharing Kylie, we do hope you meet someone who is equally interested. 

  22. My fantasy is to have sex on…
    My fantasy is to have sex on the beach at the beach at night…how I look forwrd tot hat day soon.

    1. Thank you for sharing…

      Thank you for sharing Christine, we hope you get to experience your fantasy.

  23. My fiance’s fantasy is that…
    My fiance’s fantasy is that he wants to eat and lick stuff/food off my body as part of sex.

    1. Hey Ashley, how do you feel…

      Hey Ashley, how do you feel about this? Remember, just because this is his fantasy it doesn’t mean you have to go through with it if you are uncomfortable about any part of it. Thank you for sharing though.

  24. I want to know how to…
    I want to know how to satisfy my girl…

  25. What medicine can I take to…
    What medicine can I take to erect for long time? Richie

  26. Does fantasizing about anal…
    Does fantasizing about anal sex with your gf make you wiered especially if you are straight?

    1. Hey Dickson1q, no it doesn’t…

      Hey Dickson1q, no it doesn’t make you wiered it just means that you have a fantasy. Not all fantasies can or should become true, you could however share with your partner to see if this is something they maybe interested in. Remember to find a good time to talk about this and be ready for either outcome, she may or may not be willing to try this out. Have a look at this article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex 

  27. Which is the best style to…
    Which is the best style to satisfy a girl in bed?

  28. Se fantasies are just crazy…
    Se fantasies are just crazy like my guy asking for anal sex. That’s a no no for me.

  29. I am looking for a partner…
    I am looking for a partner for BDSM. I am a male who wants to be dominated by a female please!

    1. Hey Bramwell, unfortunately,…

      Hey Bramwell, unfortunately, we are not a dating service and for this reason we are not able to help you meet someone. 

  30. I like deep deep penetration…
    I like deep deep penetration but my current guy does not do it well.

    1. Hi Grace, have you talked to…

      Hi Grace, have you talked to your partner about what you like? You may have to talk with your partner about what you like. For deep penetration, you may have to try different positions that enable deep penetration. Find a good time and talk with your partner about what you like and what you want. Check out this article for more tips;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/trying-new-sex-positions-dos-and-donts

  31. How can I satisfy a woman?…
    How can I satisfy a woman? what do wen enjoy most during sex?

    1. Hi Tosh, different people…

      Hi Tosh, different people enjoy different things during sex and so a good place to begin is to talk with your partner about what they enjoy and what you enjoy. Talking about sex helps improve the experience for both partners. Do find a good time and talk with your partner about what they like and enjoy as you share what you like and enjoy and this will help make the experience better for you both. Have a look at the following article for more tips on talking about sex;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/making-love/ways-to-make-love/talking-about-sex

  32. Does smoking weed increase…
    Does smoking weed increase your sexual perfomance?

    1. Hey Boaz, there is no…

      Hey Boaz, there is no conclusive research on whether marijuana increases sexual performance, It appears to have different effects on different people who report the use of the drug. It is also important to remember the negative effects it is likely to have especially when not controlled including impaired decision making. Have a look at the following article;- https://lovemattersafrica.com/love-relationships/relationship-problems/love-and-other-drugs

  33. About fantasy.. this is very true to me. I cannot enjoy sex without fantasizing on someone, like am imagining how a mature lady “plays” with toys… bla bla

    1. That’s interesting Vicky! So, are you fantasizing about your lady or other ladies?

LoveMatters Africa

Blush-free facts and stories about love, sex, and relationships