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Coping with a break up

Healing from the wounds of a broken relationship is difficult. If you’ve been in a long-term relationship or living with your partner, it could mean a change in your lifestyle.

The way you feel depends slightly on whether you’ve been ‘dumped’ or you did the dumping. People who have been through both say that being dumped is much worse – not surprisingly. It’s a blow to your self-esteem. But in either case, it’s not easy.

After you’ve ended your relationship, one big question is whether you can remain friends with your ex. There’s no clear answer to that question. It depends on you, your ex and how the relationship ended. What worked for your best friend might not work for you, so trust your instincts.

Coping with a break up

Here are some tips on how to cope with your break-up:

  • Think about what went wrong, but don't obsess over it. Don't fight your feelings - accept them, and let them out gently. It can be hard to stop thinking about it, but try to take your mind off it as much as you can. Remember that your end goal is to move on. 
  • Meet with friends and share your feelings. There’s no better cure for a broken heart than sharing your feelings with good friends. You can meet for an evening beer or wine and pour your heart out.
  • Get rid of negative emotions. If you still feel angry with your ex a few months after breaking up, remind yourself that it’s in the past now and it's time to let go. Get rid of things that remind you of your partner – things like the gifts they gave you or cards they made. It’s sad, but it can help you move on.
  • Care for yourself. Eat well, sleep well, and take lots of exercise. Do things that make you feel better – like going for a walk in the park or getting together with your family. A little bit of tender loving care goes a long way in the healing process.
  • Get a new hobby. Try learning how to cook Thai food or play the piano. Find things to do to fill in spare time. Keeping your mind and body busy is an essential part of healing. You might also meet new people with similar interests when you join a group or club.
  • Be positive. It might sound unbelievable, but it's perfectly possible that you’ll find someone else who’ll love you again.
  • Don’t turn to drink or drugs. Stay away from alcohol and other non-prescription drugs. They’ll do you more harm than help you heal.
  • Watch out for signs of depression. If you think you’re falling into depression, let someone know. Get help. Contact helplines or counsellors. Below is a list that will help you.

Amani Counselling Centre: 0722626590
Kenya Marriage Counselling: 0721743977
Oasis Counselling Center: 0733366614
Discovery Counselling Services: 0700270983/0721513438

Comments
Joshua Opiyo (not verified)
Sun, 10/12/2014 - 09:59 pm

In other instances, after the break up with your girlfriend, your best friend comes in and starts grooving with him or her, what usualky went wrong in such relationship?
vincent (not verified)
Fri, 11/14/2014 - 03:02 pm

hi ae av a problem whereby ae am in luv with achic who is mae friend wenever am with her ae fil gud bt ae dnt knw how to tel her am afraid ae can loose her wen she wil hear how ae fil abt her plz help mi bcoz ae av told her to meet at mae place
denni.... (not verified)
Sat, 11/15/2014 - 08:44 am

denno.... I broke up with my galfie n ha bro is my friend and I hav to kip on visiting him and he also visits me....everytym I see her am not happy anymore for tht dei..should I also break our friendshp wid his bro,?

Hi Denni, that's tricky. Have you talked with your friend about this? Maybe he understands, and for a while you can meet without seeing her?
Philmon (not verified)
Sun, 11/23/2014 - 01:12 am

Hi There is a girl i love but she says she in a relationship.But when i want to leave her alone though i loved,she refused claiming that will hurt her and instead we continued comunicating as i give her time make final decision.....am i heading anywhere really???

Philmon, it sounds like she is using you, sorry... Turn it on her: tell her she needs to make a decision, and give her an ultimatum.
moureen (not verified)
Sat, 11/29/2014 - 09:10 pm

my husband keeps chattin with his ex n everytym i ask him why hes still talkin to her he alway xay she is just a friend,?,wat can i doo coz am confused
fridah (not verified)
Wed, 12/24/2014 - 08:23 am

it took us almost a year and half to heal after breaking up with my boy. we are now good friend. the problem is that of late my ex has been requesting that i go to his place for a sleep over. i am not ready for it and this is eagering him so much. he called and told me that if im not ready we be enemies forever. what do i do?

Fridah, are you telling us he is trying to pressure you by threatening you in order to have sex with him? It's up to you to decide what you want to do, but it doesn't sound like he respects or cares for you...
joy (not verified)
Thu, 01/22/2015 - 05:37 pm

i still love my ex but im happily married. i want to keep him as a friend but we share romance kiss n sex online. we have not seen each other since we seperated we found ourselves online n have settled our problems. d problem here is dat we both r married but we are still so much in love wot do we do.
jeff (not verified)
Tue, 02/03/2015 - 03:01 pm

we got separated cox she felt she kant satisfy me sexualy,,and even dared to up ha game,,nw shex going away and she wantx me to hav sex wd ha,,hw kan a handle thix

Jeff, sex with an ex is always tricky. It's up to you to decide if you can handle it as 'just friends'. But honestly, if you didn't enjoy sex with her, do you really want to consider that again?
Lizzy (not verified)
Wed, 03/25/2015 - 04:13 pm

hi,I leave with my partner though we are not married, but I have a feeling that he's seeing someone else coz he has changed alot, n now we are having a straining relationship we don't talk anymore n I love him so much still I feel lyk leaving him what can I do?

Lizzy, have you tried talking to him about what is happening? Sit down together and have an honest conversation about what's going on. clear the air and take it from there! Good luck
christine (not verified)
Tue, 03/31/2015 - 04:01 pm

we broke up with my exe for 4 four month but recently when he saw me in a weeding ceremony he called me and insisted that we should meet and talk i still love him coz he was my first lover.please help

Christine, meet him, see how you feel about it. Don't commit to anything until you are sure of what you want. But there is no harm in meeting him for a cup of chai some time, to see if you really want to get back together.
mary (not verified)
Sun, 05/24/2015 - 11:09 pm

here comes ma ex who later got married..bt whenever we meet he starts t cry claming i left her ad dhat made him to marry.....i also feel at him...should i sex with him wen he reguest?????

Mary, in the end, it's up to you to decide that, but it sounds like he is trying to make you feel guilty in order to get what he wants from you. And that's not good. And, do remember that he would be cheating on his family.
Sam (not verified)
Wed, 09/09/2015 - 02:15 pm

My galfrnd of long time r/shp brok up wid me just coz i uploded a pic of sam1 who inspired me alot,now she has blokd my calls &txtz and ignoring my explanation claiming dat she has decided call off th r/shp..wat shld i do coz she is in Nrb and am in Ksm?
Anonymous (not verified)
Sun, 12/06/2015 - 09:45 am

I broke up with my boyfriend and I no longer love him..but he keeps destroying my relationships...whereby he keeps calling mi all the time and mostly when am with my new boyfriend and also sending mi texts with sweet names claiming he still loves mi...i dont know what to do bcoz any guy who i move with in a relationship gets annoyed with me esp.when the guy calls or sends a text to me...plz help

Hi you can make a decision to block him from calling you on your phone so that he can not reach you. You also need to talk to your boyfriend and inform him whats happening and how you feel about it. Another thing that could work is ignoring him completely and don't respond to any of his texts or calls.
Branny (not verified)
Mon, 12/14/2015 - 11:20 pm

Even if I parted ways wth my dude 3yrs ago, we do feel attracted to each other . when we communicate, He is always sorry for what he did n wants us to meet. Buh deep inside me i feel insecure, "what if he'll repeat same mistake "doubtfull

Branny, its normal to still be attracted to your ex-boyfriend, its good that he is remorseful and has apologized for what he did. You need to take time to think and make a decision if you want to go back to the relationship or not because only you have the power to make that decision. All the best
MELISHA (not verified)
Tue, 12/15/2015 - 08:41 pm

I HAVE GOT A PROBLEM WITH MY LOVER,THAT WE HAVE BEEN IN RELATIONSHIP FOR THREE YEARS IN A PEACEFUL WAY THAT I COULD NOT BELIEVE THAT CHANGE COULD OCCUR,IN THIS TERM OF OUR SEMISTER, WE NEVER CONVERSED AS WE COULD DO BEFORE, ITS ME WHO COULD CALL TO KNOW ABOUT HIS LIFE,AND HE COULD RESPOND AS IF HE NEVER WANTED, WHEN I RELEASED IT,I ASKED HIM WHAT IS HAPPENING IN OUR RELATIONSHIP,HE ANSWERED ME THAT NOTHING IS WRONG,BUT FOR SURE HE HAS REAL CHANGED I DON'T KNOW WHY,WHAT CAN I DO FOR SURE I AM REALLY STRESSED UP BECAUSE OF OVERTHINKING.

HI Melisa, Have you pointed out this changes to him and expressed how it makes you feel? Its normal for people to change in relationships but it should not be drastic.Sometimes pointing it out to your partner goes a long way in helping them realize how they are hurting you, and if they are genuine about the relationship they will try to change it.
Amanda (not verified)
Sat, 02/20/2016 - 12:58 pm

hi, am confused, my ex asked me back yesterday. At first I refused because I was scared to try again. He got so angry and didn't text again. I sent several texts apologising because despite everything I love him. I didn't get any reply. I tried call calling but he kept on rejecting my calls. I couldn't take it anymore. I then sent him a text accepting him back as my boyfriend. Despite all that I said, he didn't reply. I love him so much I want him back. Was I too late? Did he love me as much as he said he did? Should I accept he doesn't want me and I move on? his silence is making me restless...some advice please
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